if you must mourn, don't do it alone (Jactavia)

Part 3, Chapter 2

In fact, Jasper was just finishing up helping some of the elders of Trishanakru find their beds, flinging their items on the bunks, when Octavia found him. He'd originally had not a great view of the grounders, considering the first months on earth were spent trying to avoid being killed by them. But he hadn't really thought about the giant hole-scar on his chest in a long time and it was so unimaginable that these were the same people, when they were just like the people he knew. It was...eye opening.

"Jasper, hey." Octavia called, and he waved goodbye to the elder he'd been talking with and met her at the door.

"You look read to fall over and sleep on the concrete." He said, grabbing her arm. She gave a yawn-laugh.

"I feel like it. Let's go, I need to sleep if I have to get up in like eight hours and make hard choices." She said. Jasper nodded once, pulling her to their little area. It was untouched, it was a sanctuary.

"I talked with Monty." Octavia, pulling off her boots and wiping her hands over her face in a failed attempt to wash it off.

"What?" Jasper turned, mid-movement of taking his shirt off, with the intention to nap with her.

"He's alive, and he's on his way here."

"Woah...and...Harper?" He asked, but he was almost afraid of the answer.

"Alive." Octavia grinned.

"And the rest?"

Octavia now grimaced, "They opted out. Jobi nuts. But it wasn't...Monty said they just couldn't quite get the dosage right, but, now they're out of pain, I suppose."

Jasper felt this information lie heavy on his chest. He laid back, staring at the ceiling, "If I had been there, it would have been painless," He said quietly. There had been a lot of people he liked, many delinquents. While he no longer agreed with them, he hurt know they were in pain when they died.

"Stop that. You'd be dead too if you were there!" Octavia said, and he was surprised when he turned to see tears forming in her eyes, "You are here and alive and you're not allowed to regret that." She said harshly.

"O, I could never." He said, "I just wish they hadn't thought that was the way out." He said, "I wish their lives hadn't always been filled with pain. I wish, for their end, Riley had gotten the fucking dosage right. They went out the way they lived, and they didn't need that." He paused, considering, "Always painful," He echoed softly. He sort of meant it about himself too. He recalled once Monty promised him he would be happy again. It seemed so unimaginable at the time, yet here he was, curled up safe with someone he really, really liked. It was so unexpected to him, and yet, Monty seemed to know something like this would happen. He wished he could have told him and he wished they could have believed him.

"Me too. I mean, I wished it wasn't like this," Octavia whispered.

There was a long pause, then she gave out a soft chuckle.

"What?"

"I'm just thinking," Octavia said, looking up at the ceiling too, a web of pipes running all along, "About Finn. I haven't thought about him in ages. But he was willing to die for Clarke, and maybe that's where he fucked up. In this world, it's not about dying for someone...that's far too easy. No, in this life, what really means something is being willing to live for someone, despite it all. Harper loved Monty enough to live for him." Octavia said decisively.

"Same could be said for me," Jasper agreed, and Octavia blushed, as though she hadn't gotten as far as connect it to Jasper yet, "I wouldn't just do that for anyone, but I think you know that."

"I was pretty sure I could convince you. You already lived for me once."

"When did I...oh, come on," Jasper snorted, "I didn't have any choice if I pulled through this or not," He said, pointing to his spear wound. Octavia's fingers brushed over it softly. She grinned at him wickedly.