Thankful for Him (My Saving Grace in Dallon's POV) - Brallon

Worries

I listened intently to Brendon as he started to speak to me, "I'm worried about Ryan." I knew that much already, the way he would start searching the room for him made it obvious. "I've hardly seen him all day, and he keeps disappearing at night when I'm with you, I think he might be jealous." 

I knew 'Ryan' didn't disappear because he was 'jealous', I was somehow making him go away. I wanted to know what was different now than before because Brendon saw 'Ryan' while I was with him before. I slightly tightened my grip around him, maybe if I held him tighter he would forget about 'Ryan'.

"I think I should talk to him tomorrow," he continued.

I didn't want him to do that, he would have to leave me to talk to him and maybe he might start seeing 'Ryan' more often again. 'Ryan' wasn't real, I was, and I wanted him to be with me, not 'Ryan'. 

"What's wrong?" He asked me, and I shook my head. I couldn't talk to him about this, he would get mad at me, I didn't want to distance us when I was finally opening myself up to someone. 

"You can trust me, you know? I'm here for you," he whispered to me. I knew I had to answer him now, and he was not going to like what I had to say, I wasn't going to lie to him. 

"I wish you wouldn't talk to Ryan," I admitted quietly, I didn't want him to hear my answer. 

"What do you mean?" He questioned, I could feel him already getting upset, I wasn't ready for this. Brendon was going to hate me. 

"Don't get mad at me," I started, but I knew he would, no matter if I liked it or not. "Ryan isn't real, there's no one there when you talk to him."

I watched Brendon's face change, and you could tell he was furious, I had lost him, just like that. He jumped out of my bed and made his way to the opposite side of the room, distancing himself from me.

"Did the doctors tell you to say that?!" He snapped at me, and I instantly broke, tears immediately beginning to stream down my face. "How could you say that to me?! I thought you were my friend?! I trusted you!" 

Each word he shouted at me was like being stabbed with a knife, they all affected me badly, the way he yelled at me and the meaning behind his words hurt me worse than I ever had been before.

"What did I do for you to lie to me like that, Dallon?! I have done nothing but been nice to you! I'm not crazy, and I'm tired of everyone saying I am!" He shouted, and I was having a full on breakdown, I was sobbing and shaking and all I wanted was Brendon to come comfort me, but that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't okay, and I could tell that Brendon wasn't either, I could hear him quietly crying over in his bed. 

I knew the nightmares would come back tonight, without Brendon there to keep them away. 

. . . 

I was at school and all the kids were pushing me around, calling me awful names, and eventually, they pushed me onto the floor. When I looked back up, I noticed someone walking up to me, I recognized them. 

Brendon was standing over me, he had an extremely angry look on his face and he was glaring at me. "I'm not crazy, Dallon, Ryan is real," he growled. 

I shook my head at him, but he only got angrier. "You betrayed me," he said. 

"No, I didn't, Brendon, I'm telling the truth," I pleaded. 

"I hate you, Dallon," he spat at me. "Even if Ryan wasn't real, I still would rather be with him than you." 

That one struck a chord, "I'm sorry, Brendon," I whispered. 

"Saying I'm sorry, doesn't make things better," he said. "Maybe you're just too stupid to know that. Is that why you don't talk? Are you too stupid to talk? Did you only learn how to after talking to me?"

"No!" I cried, I understood that I hurt Brendon, but why was he acting like this. "Stop, please!"

"What are you going to do to make me stop, huh? Sit here and cry about it?" He antagonized. 

"BRENDON, STOP! I'M SORRY! PLEASE!" I begged him.

"Why should I? You hurt me, this is payback. You know you were lying! Ryan is real and you know it!" He shouted. 

I didn't respond to him, I didn't want to make things worse for me. He was already tearing me down, ripping me to shreds. I was absolutely heartbroken, this was all my fault, I probably deserved all the things he was saying to me. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't fix you, Brendon," I whispered.

"I'm not the one who needs fixing, you are. Who just sits there quietly, not speaking to anyone? Freaks, that's who," he snarled. 

"I know I need to be fixed, I thought you were going to be the one to do it," I responded. 

"You thought wrong, Dallon," Brendon said. "You thought a lot of things wrong. You thought you could fix me, but I don't need to be fixed. You thought I would love you, but I won't, I am the opposite, I hate you."

. . .

I suddenly woke up and realized it was another nightmare, this time featuring Brendon. I realized that everything that Brendon had said to me was just a figment of my imagination, but they still left an effect on me. There were dried tears on my face, and my throat felt sore, probably from the crying and yelling in my sleep. 

I looked over at Brendon's bed, he was asleep, facing away from me, and he was laying as close to the wall as he could get like he was trying to stay away from me in his sleep. I realized that I probably shouldn't have talked about 'Ryan' yet, maybe he would've been less angry and more accepting of the truth. I wish I could turn back time and stopped that whole incident from happening, I wanted nothing but to be with Brendon, but I wasn't going to get that any time soon.