Up All Night // phan

Thirteen

  PJ pulled away and stared down at Dan, who realized his mistake a second too late.

  "Peej.. " Dan started, but PJ climbed off of him quickly and sat on the couch, looking at his hands. Dan sat up and looked at him. "PJ I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I just... you know how I feel about him. I just.. wanted it to be him."

  PJ glared at him and Dan flinched. "What, I'm not good enough for you? I'm not your perfect little Phillip? I know, I'm not good enough for anyone." He'd started crying again.

  "I didn't want you to kiss me, PJ! You only did it because you're angry that Chris doesn't like you and never will!" Dan shouted. That was a low blow, he knew. PJ stared at him, anger filling his face.

  "You know what? Fuck you, Dan Howell!" He stood up, and slapped Dan right across the face. He walked out, leaving Dan sitting on the couch, holding his cheek.

  He'd really done it now. Daniel Howell, the biggest fuck up ever.

  Slowly, he stood up and left PJs house, making his way back home and back to Phil.

                  *************

Dan walked all the way back to his house, looking at the pavement and thinking about what had happened.

Once he got to the front door,  he pulled out his keys to unlock it, but the door swung open and Phil stood on the other side, looking frantic.

"Dan where the hell were you. I woke up and you weren't in the house so I got worried! Do you know what time it is?!"

  Dan looked at the floor, not able to face Phil right now. "Sorry." He mumbled, trying to push past Phil and head to his room, but Phil grabbed his arm.

  "What's the matter, Dan? You seem off. Sorry for getting angry, I was just worried." Phil looked genuinely sincere, and Dan couldn't help but feel guilt twist deep in his stomach.

  You guys aren't even together, Dan. You shouldn't be worried about kissing PJ, it's not like he'll care.

  But it wasn't about Phil caring, it was the fact that Dan loved him, yes loved him, and he had gone and kissed some other guy because... well, there wasn't really a valid reason for it. He'd just been mad that Phil didn't like him the way he liked Phil.

  "It's nothing, I'm fine." Dan said quietly, and tried to pull out of Phil's grip, but he held tight.

  "But where were you? It's 4:30 in the morning, Dan." And Dan suddenly got angry at him.

  "Why the fuck do you even care Phil! It's not like you've ever cared before. I don't need you to look after me, I know how to handle myself. So stop pretending you're my friend and just stay out of my business." Dan regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, but he didn't take them back.

  Phil stared at him, his eyes wide and mouth slightly hanging open.

  "Phil, I just... need some time  alone. " Dan said, much more calmly than before. Phil looked at the floor, then smiled weakly at Dan.

  "Yeah, I understand. Just, call me if you need to, okay? Um, bye." And he left. Dan missed him instantly, but he did need to be alone for a while.

  Fuck, he was tired. Sighing, he pulled off his clothes and walked towards his room to sleep a few more hours. Instead, he stopped at the guest bedroom. Just an hour before, he'd been asleep in there, with Phil right beside him. He walked in and fell onto the bed, where Phil had been lying.

  He hasn't meant to lose his temper. Especially not with Phil, of all people. Just, the whole thing without PJ had messed him up, and he was really confused. He loved Phil, very much. He probably hated him now, but that didn't change Dan's feelings. And what about PJ? Did he like Chris still, or had he developed feelings for Dan? God, everything was so messed up.

  Dan sighed and rolled over. All this thinking wasn't helping his mental health. He closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly. Even with all the recent events, Dan still managed to dream of Phil's perfect face and especially those gleaming blue eyes.

                   *************

  Chris's POV

  Chris was a hot mess.

  He liked PJ, like, really liked him. Had ever since they'd met. PJ was the boy he'd always dreamed of being with, since 6th grade.

  So why had he rejected him? It was a douche bag move, and he hated himself for it. PJ had said exactly what Chris had always wanted him to, for years. And what had Chris done? Broke his damn heart.

  He hadn't exactly rejected him, Chris had just needed some time to process what was happening. It wasn't everyday that your crush admitted his love for you.

  As soon as PJ had left, Chris started going crazy. He needed to talk to him, he probably hated his guts. Why had he told him to leave?

  When Peej had told him he had feelings for him, about a hundred different emotions went through Chris: hope, relief, love... and fear. Fear, that maybe PJ was just messing with his feelings, or that he was just confused. He'd just freaked out and told him to leave, when he really wanted him to stay, all day, and they could cuddle, kiss, just be together.

  But he had gone and fucked up.

  Now, Chris was curled up on the couch, stating blankly at a wall and reliving his mistake over and over, cringing every time. If he'd just admitted his true feelings, he wouldn't be in this mess.

  The truth was, he had been scared. He didn't even know what being in a relationship with Peej would be like. He was afraid that, eventually, PJ would grow bored and just dump him.

  But his fear had caused PJ pain. And he hated himself so much for that.

                ***************

a/n:

  sorry it's so short, it's like 5 am