Shit Happens [REWRITING SOON]

3. What a Dickface

'But first, let me take a selfie.'

-The Chainsmokers, #SELFIE

Numéro trois

The week passed very slowly, and then the weekend came and went also except comparatively faster and soon, it was the second week of school. I was not thrilled to wake up that Monday morning - thanks to my alarm clock.

Mom had not stopped buying healthy stuff, although for some reason, the Mac and Cheese kept on replenishing itself. But I wasn't complaining at that because, well, I had taken to eating it for breakfast.

The most unusual thing happened this morning. I made my Mac and Cheese as per normal, but this time, instead of giving me a glare, Mom had given me a sweet smile. My initial thought was that she somehow gained entrance to the Mac and Cheese factory and somehow managed to poison all the food. But that thought was so ridiculous I almost snorted half my breakfast. Mom wouldn't kill her own daughter plus nearly all the American population would she?

But there was no other reason I could think of as to why she was smiling. The Mac and Cheese was the same Mac and Cheese as always nor had she spiked it with healthy things. So I guess I just had to wait and see if I was dead by the end of the day.

I gulped down the rest of my breakfast, made my lunch, packed my back and ran out the door. I made my way to the bus stop and waited. It came soon after.

Eventually we arrived at school and all the students clambered off the bus into the uninviting school grounds. Since when did school become inviting?

Now, I'll skip to morning tea where all the interesting stuff began because I'm sure you would rather hear me blabber on about this than boring old class.

I parked my ass next to Elle at the usual table only to hear that they were all gossiping about someone.

"He's so hot!" whispered Sophie.

"I know right!" replied Rosey.

"And he's so muscular," added Elle.

"Why are you guys wasting your time on him? He only wants attention," Jess pointed, only looking up from her book for a mere second.

"Oh come on Jessie, just admit it - you think he's hot," said Elle.

"Who is this 'he'?!" I butted in.

"Why Patrick Devons of course. New kid, bad boy, so on, so on," said Roy, using an Australian accent.

"Lemme just say now Roy, your attempt at an Australian accent is making my ears bleed. So shut it," I said, not too kindly.

"Thanks Jaycee! You should totally be a motivation speaker! You know like, 'yeah you're a failure so shut up' and 'stop, you're making my ears bleed',"Roy said back, not too kindly.

"Thanks for the idea, I could become a billionaire, I reckon," I replied.

"Both of you, shut it!" called Elle as Roy opened his mouth to retort back. "Just eat your lunch!"

I looked down at my lunch, not feeling very hungry. I didn't have much good food as the pantry had been infiltrated by healthy food.

Well, at least chocolate bars are delicious.

•••

Half way through lunch, I decided to go to the toilet. If only I had held on to that piss rather than go to the toilet, because then I would've averted a nasty incident that would make me a terrible enemy.