Disconnect. (Allura/Pidge)

test 3, frequency 6%

an: please read the message at the bottom ♡♡♡

(at the altean lesson the next morning)
☆allura's pov☆

Why am I so concerned? They said they were fine, I should trust them. I just have this nagging feeling that they're very far from okay. My gut is usually right, I need to trust it.

I've known them for long enough to know when something's up. They don't deal with things, they just obsess over it until they can fix it. I'm worried what they'd do about something they couldn't fix. Something out of their control.

They've been snapping at the team recently. I don't know if they can tell we noticed their change in mood, or if they just don't care.

All of their time is spent training, eating, in their room, coding, or on the occasional mission. Their whole soul is put into this; they don't have hobbies or laugh like they used to. I miss their genuine smile. I miss the real Pidge. I'm hoping I can get them back before its too late..

"Hey Allura" Pidge waves and plops down onto the couch I'm sitting on.

They trained before this lesson too, so they just showered. They train so often nowadays.

Their hair looks really cute up like that again.
Obviously I mean that in an appreciative way. I can say they look good and it doesn't have to mean anything else.
I try to convince myself, but almost halfheartedly. I've seen the way they look at eachother, Lance and Keith, how they talk about eachother. Its hard to be in denial, but right now I wish mine worked better.

Stop. Right now, here, this is about Pidge and what they're going through. Not my one-sided pining. (an: was not planning to have her realize shit this early, but it felt right so uhh fuck it lol)

"Oh"
I've been silent for a while,
"I got lost in thought, sorry,"

I try to think of a way to start the conversation. This is more awkward than it usually is. I'm more awkward than I usually am.
"How was the shower?"
Quiznack Allura. I mentally hit myself. That sounds so weird. I have to focus extremely hard to keep my marks from glowing.

"Uh? It was fine? Warm? Wet? The usual I guess?" their cheeks change color the slightest bit. I let myself 'blush' a little, since they are too anyway.

"Um, sorry that was an odd question. What was it you were working on so intensely that you didn't get enough sleep yesterday?"
I decide to get to the point. It's awkward anyway, I may as well find out what's going on.

The blush leaves and their face pales. They are silent for far too long.

"Uh. I. Working on the life magic I learned a while back."
They sound sincere, but they're still hiding something. I steal glances at them far too often to not know their tells.

"May I ask what you were doing with it?"
I tread lightly, I don't want to scare them off.

"It's. Hard to explain."
Their jaw stiffens. They almost seem afraid of my reaction.

I need to find out now. This could be serious,
"Could you show me then?"
Panic flashes in their eyes, but they say "yes" with no waver in their tone.

We make the short walk to their room in silence. I worry they're thinking of something to show me instead.

♡ pidge's pov ♡

I need to be able to lie to her. I need to regain my sanity. Or, I guess attain it, since I've had the crutch of emotions my whole life. I need to lock all of the inconvenient parts of me away until everyone is safe. I wonder which amount will get those constant thoughts of her out of my mind.. higher than 10% for sure.