Ramblings of an Insomniac

Sudden Storm

I used to have an older brother. For 3 whole years we were fine and most definitely happy. Way before my grandfather became...unstable..,he'd had taken my brother an I to our very first archery lesson outside. Although most would say i was too young to participate and the potentially dangerous sport-only being three at the time-my grandfather still insisted that I learn at a young age, he had just gotten done teaching something to my brother and had told him to hang his bow up and sit while he came to me started his instructions- mainly on the safety of how to properly hold a bow, string an arrow Etc-shortly after he'd strapped on the safety gear he'd looked over to find my 5-year-old brother missing and hearing a car screeching off a few dozen feet away..of course he ran after the car...but it was in vain.

What happened in the now speeding car was told to me multiple times and i still picture in the same way...he was scared..very scared..the man he had come to think would never hurt him in any way had just kidnapped him. His heart kept hammering painfully against his chest, breath shallow and sharp(hyperventilating), eyes filling with tears and several thoughts running through his head. "Why did he only grab me and not {me} also? Will i ever see her again? What about mommy and papop and mema?

"Why did daddy take me and only me? Why?" As his mind raced he suddenly felt an extreme pain in his chest and his left arm felt like an army of ants was nipping at it..the world then went dark and he felt nothing...that was October 20th 2001 the day my father kidnapped my older brother and caused him to have a stress-induced heart attack...a few weeks later was his funeral...and this image is burned into my mind...he was wearing a black tux..his face was so peaceful almost like he was sleeping yet his cold pale face told otherwise...by the time my mother and I got up to the coffin my great grandmother had already placed his favorite guitar in the coffin with him...

I'm not sure if my mother said anything or not but just like a fucking movie scene i turned to her and asked "Mommy? When is bubby going to wake up?" This is where this particular story ends. Only part I truly remember it's the one with the funeral everything else was told to me by multiple people one of them including my father when I asked him why he didn't take me all he could say was "i was absolutely certain at the time that you were not my biological daughter"... sorry for the extremely depressing story and sorry that it's so long...i had to stop and recollect myself several times...