extended scenes (sanvers)

"it's okay" - S2E14

"Oh, sweetie..."

Alex's body wracked with tears when she met Maggie's eyes, melting into her comforting embrace. Whether the alcohol or her girlfriend's unconditional support broke down the wall for Alex remains unknown – likely a mixture of both – but she released a choked sob when Maggie rubbed her back.

"It's okay," she soothed, gently pressing Alex's head into her chest.

"I – I – it –"

"Shh, Alex, it's okay, you don't have to talk right now." She dragged her thumb back and forth against Alex's face, desperate to calm the damsel in distress, "Just let it out, I'm here. It's okay."

Tears spilled down her cheeks and through Maggie's top, but she didn't mind; she slowly swayed, mumbling words of comfort into Alex's hair, until her convulsing sobs decreased in frequency and severity. The bar stool groaned a little bit when Maggie slowly turned, resting her hands on Alex's thighs and pulling away slightly to look her in the eye.

"I'm gonna get you a glass of water, okay?"

Alex nodded bashfully as she continued to quietly cry, too vulnerable to preserve what remained of her pride. Maggie handed her the small cup and held her head as she drank it, afraid the fragile woman would fall apart without her delicate contact, "Do you want to sit on the couch? It won't make your hurt go away, but you might be more comfortable."

Seeing how slumped Alex was in her seat, Maggie wondered how much whiskey she'd already consumed before the glass she watched her finish in two gulps. The concern etched on her face was entirely free of judgement or pity; she reached for Alex's hand and, feeling how limp she'd gone, carried the ailing agent to the sofa. She gently set her upright against the back and arm rests and arranged some pillows for support.

"I'll take care of you, don't worry. I'm going to sit right here next to you, alright? We're just gonna sit and cry, and you can tell me anything, or nothing. Whatever you need; I'm not going anywhere."

Maggie curled up on her left side and held her, covering them both in a fleece blanket.

"Maggie, it – it was so bad," she whispered, followed by a sharp intake of breath, "it was so bad..."

"You're safe here, it's okay. What was so bad," Maggie pressed gently, aware from personal experience of how difficult it is to open up.

"He... he took the files, I was the only one on his side and he, he just – I feel like such an idiot," she choked out, "I believed him."

"Alex, it's not your fault -"

"Then in the woods, he – he said he did it for me. FOR me," exclaimed Alex, the tears flowing like through a syphon now, "and... I let him go." She softened, breaking completely on the last word. "I let him go, with the files..."

"Sweetheart slow down, what did he take?" Maggie shifted to face her, holding her cheek to encourage eye contact.

"The alien registry."

A flash of anger coursed through Maggie's veins as she realized what that could entail. Her friends, the people who made her feel at home, known by name to the Cadmus military... She looked at Alex, the miserable, defeated woman before her, and saw the years of guilt behind her gaze.

"I trusted him. I defended him, to everyone, and... I was – I was wrong..." Alex lurched forward, hiding her face in her lap as she wept.

"Hey, this is not your fault. Do you hear me? None of this is your fault."

Alex just snickered, exasperated and sad.

"I mean it, Alex, you did everything you could. That man brought you into the world, he made you who you are, you are not an idiot for trusting him. I know I can't make you see this, but you have been made to feel shame for a lot of things in your life that aren't your fault, and you are not to blame here."

No response; Maggie continued.

"You are not weak, you are not an idiot, and you are not always responsible when bad things happen. It makes sense that you believed him, no one can fault you for that. You find the good, you trust, it's who you are. You are not naive for believing that the people who are supposed to love you the most in the whole world wouldn't abandon you, or manipulate you, or break your trust..."

Tears pooled in Maggie's eyes now too, the disillusionment of being betrayed by her own family bringing a deep empathy and heartache for Alex's pain. She still said nothing, her gaze fixed downward, afraid to internalize Maggie's words; she'd worked so hard for so long to compensate for the burden she felt she was to her family, that believing her girlfriend would shatter what had become a part of her identity. Guilt was an integral piece of her character, and choosing to release it felt disingenuous. Maggie could see Alex thinking and turned her chin, looking deep into her eyes to repeat the sentiment.

"This is not your fault."

Alex softly nodded, not convinced but tired of sharing. A long yawn broke the silence.

"Nothing I can say could make that true for you, you don't have to agree right now, I just want you to hear it. You should get some sleep, you've had a long day..." Maggie led her to the bathroom and took her grey hoodie, trading it for her favourite pajamas from the drawer by the bed.

White noise accompanied the dull ring in Alex's ears as she emerged and took her place in bed next to Maggie, who sat up against the headboard. She gestured for Alex to rest her head on the detective's outstretched legs and, when she obliged, began to braid strands of her hair. Alex, clearly exhausted, opened her eyes, reached for Maggie's hand, and whispered a soft thank you before she drifted into sleep.