Book of Randomness!

Serious...

Hey guys... So this chapter is going to be serious unlike the rest of the chapters... 

No I'm not talking about my "crippling depression"!.... Hopefully...

It's just that I have this issue and I know... or I think... that other people do as well. And they don't really know how to explain it until they actually think about it... 

This isn't going to be the happiest chapter or one that you will laugh at... but it's important... and I think you should read it...

So... sometimes when my friends say something and we all laugh. Yes I laugh but like two seconds later... I have a straight face again... just looking out the window for inspiration or just something to talk about... and I know it's not normal... because my friends have asked me, "How is it that you can go from smiling and laughing in one second and in the next completely nothing?" And I answered...

I don't know...

But I do... 

Kinda...

You see... after someone says something funny... okay... you laugh... but after that what are you going to laugh or smile about? No one else is talking... only laughing... okay... your friends are happy... you're happy... let's try and... continue to make them laugh... but in my case... most of the time... I can't think of anything... and there's really nothing to smile about... so I just look out the window to not stare at my friends... 

And when you laugh... it's like... all your joy goes through that laugh... and for me... I don't laugh a lot... like... really laugh... when you know you've really laughed is when you're practically shouting and can't stop... no matter how much you try... and when you think of what you laughed at... you just laugh again or smile... 

But those are rare moments for me...

And I just wish my friends would know what I'm going through... but I know they don't... because they're always smiling... and when they're not... they're focused on something and not able to talk with their friends at the moment...

I would tell them... but I know that would worry them... And I don't want them to worry about me... I already am an attention hog when I can actually think of something to be happy about... but it's the wrong moment to say it... and I want to be a better friend and help them before myself... I know that's not how you're supposed to act... believe me I've read so many things about it... But I've also been that person who's been around people who are in distress... and not knowing what to do...

I know you hug them and tell them everything's okay... what after? They're just crying here and you don't know what to do and they keep denying that it's okay...

So I want to get better at it... to actually know what to do... to help...

Sorry....... This turned to me....... I hope you can relate to my situation and understand it now...

bye my kitties...

=;w;=