Temptation

Reminiscing Pain

I absolutely hate myself.

No one will ever truly understand how much I despise myself.

And I will never be able to stress it enough.

I looked in the mirror to see a completely broken girl, broken on the inside and out.

I had dark under eye circles , my cheeks were sunken in, I had bruising everywhere, so all in all, I looked like shit.

I was ready to end all the suffering.

So they say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but temporary has been temporary long enough.

I'm done.

I can't take this anymore, I'm completely broken.

So I'll start by carving my hurt into my body.

I punched the mirror I was currently standing in front of, shattering it into pieces.

I searched through the pile looking for a nice sharp piece, not caring if the shards of glass cut me in the process.

I found the perfect piece.

Not to big , not too small, and sharp enough to pierce my skin.

I started with my thighs.

That was alway my go to place.

I never cut deep enough to leave permanent, puffy scars, but deep enough where it left dark scars that don't fade all the way.

But this time, I was gonna leave every trace of my hurt.

I lost so much blood during the process.

But, it made me feel... good.

So then I moved up to my stomach.

The disgraceful place that has held multiple lives, but those lives have never been lived.

I draw a smiley face on the side of my stomach.

Ironic right ?

After I finish, I move up to my arms.

Soon after, My light brown completion has now been diluted with red.

And I was smiling...

I was going to start the second part of this process which was to empty all the pill bottles into my stomach but stopped when my uncle barged in.

"What the fuck are you doing? What's wrong with you?" He back hands me and hit my head on the edge of the tub as I fall.

My vision starts to darken as I lose consciousness.

"Sonya, you truly are a piece of shit! You fucking coward! Can't even handle your own problems. Gotta take the easy way out huh?" He slightly chuckles as he walks towards me. He picks me up by my neck and drags me into my room. I started crying because of the pain I'm in.

"Oh I'll give you something to cry about," he laughs as he throws me onto the floor. I hear the sound of a belt buckle and in the next second I feel a stinging sensation on my thigh.

It hurt so bad. I tried screaming but nothing came out. Like when you're dreaming and you're getting chased by a monster and you try screaming out for help but nothing comes out.

He continued to beat me with the belt for about 20 more minutes and I couldn't do anything but sit there and take the pain.

He made sure he hit all the places where I cut. And that's what made this experience so much worse.

After he got tired he told me to go clean myself up and went downstairs.

I slowly picked my body off the ground and limped my way back into the bathroom. As soon as I stepped underneath the water that's when I felt the scream come out of me.

"I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!" I cried out as I rocked myself in the shower-

I woke up sweating. That was one of the worst experiences I've ever had. The scars still litter my body today. I look around the treehouse to see its daytime, but once I look around more I notice Jahseh sitting in the corner, staring at me.

"Oh, hey Jahseh." I look down at my lap, slightly embarrassed. "Why do you want to die Sonya?" He questions me as he sat staring. I cocked my head to the side, curious as to why he's asking me this. "What do you mean?" I ask as I look in a different direction, his stare really getting to me.

"You said so in your sleep," he said as he finally took his gaze from my face. I look at him as he's looking at the ground, his dreads falling in front of his face. I sigh heavily, "Jahseh, I want to die because I don't belong here. I have absolutely no purpose of being here. So why not."

He looks back up at me and stares once again. As he's staring at me I could see a lot of mysteries that swarmed around in those eyes of his.

He shook his head and returned his gaze back to the ground.

"Jahseh, I wanna do something so don't freak out." I say as I crawl over to him. He looks up again with a confused expression, probably wondering what the fuck I'm trying to do.

I sit back on my feet in front of him and move his dreads back with both of my hands.

He doesn't react, he just sits there and watches me closely.

Good, cause I'm not tryna get beat on right now.

I examine his face, tattoos and all.

My favorite one being the one under his right eye that's spells Numb.

I guess that's what we all wanna feel now a days.

I gently tilt his head back to get a better view of the elephant on his neck.

I guessing all of his tattoos have meaning but what is this ones definition.

"I always feel like I'm the elephant in the room," he explains while looking me in the eye.

"Huh?" I say as I look back, wondering if he was talking about the tattoo or just in general.

"The tattoo, the meaning of my tattoo. Pretty much in general." He mutters the last part. "Oh, why do you feel like that?" I question his as I look deep into his eyes. You would never be able to tell what's going on with this kid through his face, but his eyes? His eyes explain everything. "I don't wanna talk about it," he mumbles as he breaks eye contact, moving his head slightly to the side.

I don't know why, but I wanted to see his eyes again, so I placed my hands on both sides of his face and turned him back. He looked at me as I looked at him.

We were both trying to figure each other out. Not thinking about what I was doing, I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs.

I realized what I was doing and pulled my hands back, but soon after he reached out for my hands and placed them back on his face.

"Sonya, I dont wanna be alone anymore..." he says as he looks down.

That lowkey hurt my heart. Nobody deserves to be alone. It'll break you before anything else will.

"Well, do you wanna be my friend?" I ask, looking hopefully at him.

He raises his head back up and looks at me, studying me once again.

"Yeah, I'll be your friend." He finally says.

"Well new friend, I'm Sonya. But you can call me Sonya salyce, salyce or just Sonya. Nice to meet you." I say as I stretch my hand out to him smiling.

He takes my hand into his and shakes it.

"Just call me Jahseh."

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