Please Don't Call Me Perfect

Bleh

He's too drunk and stupid to deserve a proper quote.

-RandomIncIsBored

***

Now, I was TRYING to focus on Mariah, cause dam. Who wouldn't? But Archer was busy bummin' me out wit his depressing song. I crushed my eyes closed in frustration trying to shut out his sudden emo-ness.

I gave up after a second, and pulled away from Mariah. "I'm sorry I just can't do this right now." I muttered. She looked down at me, confused.

"What?" She stuttered, getting off of me.

"Hey asshat! Shshshshs~" I shouted at Archer while standing up, and walking on stage.

"What?" Archer said dumbfounded, wincing. I punched his arm.

"Jeezz, don't spazz the hell out, I'm not here to throw up on ya." I poked him in the chest. "No being emo, das my job shitstick." I said before going through the song list, looking for something ridiculous. I was slightly curious as to why they had so many musical options, but at the moment it was convenient.

The familiar tune began and Archer looked at me. "No." He said. I rolled my eyes and looked away. "Dude, you cannot be serious." He said. I ignored him.

"Dear Evan Hansen we've been wayyy to out of touch." I sang, my head over my shoulder as I looked at Archer. He wore the expression of fear. Tha's right bish, squirm. "Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't, talk that much~" I walked around the stage, before swinging around to face everyone else. "But I should tell you that I think of you each night!"

I took one last glance at Archer, he was mouthing 'don't do it'. "I rub my nipples, and start moaning in delight!" I shouted. August, Charlie, and Mia burst out laughing, while Mariah looked confused.

I gave Archer the eyebrows challenging him to go on. "Why the hell would you write that?" Archer reluctantly went along with me.

"I'm just trying to tell the truth." I laughed. We went a bit farther along with the song. "If I stop smoking drugs than everything might be all right." I sang. "Smoking... Drugs..." I said afterwards.

"Just fix it!" Archer shouted.

"If I stop smoking crack!" My voice reverted back to puberty in that moment.

"CRACK?!"

"If I stop smoking pot then everything might, be all right." We kept on going on through the song, most of it not really being interesting. "My sisters hot." I sang, feeling weird.

"What the hell." Archer said, I agreed.

"Dear Evan Hansen, thanks for every note you send." I sang, grabbing Archer's hand. He looked ready to spaz the fudge out, but I didn't let him pull away. In all honesty he was stronger than me, so he could have if he wanted too.

"Dear Connor Murphy I'm just glad to be your friend." He sang, looking away from me. It didn't look like he meant it though.

"Our friendship goes beyond, your average kind of bond!" We both sang, Archer looked like he wanted to fall over.

"But not because we're gay." He sang, pulling away.

"No not because we're gay." I said, scratching the back of my head.

"We're close, but not that way."

The song went on for a while more, and this totally isn't some excuse so the author doesn't have to write out the entire song. Look it up ya bums!

We both hopped off of the stage, bowing. Archer still looked flustered and I rolled my eyes. He was being such a dish rag lately. At least he looked a little happier. Mariah, on the other hand....

Well, she did not. She didn't say anything though, and neither did Archer or I.

"Duudddeee. Respeeeccccctttt." August said. I shrugged. Shrugging was always the answer when one didn't have an answer. Archer shrugged as well.

"Why you red?" I asked, pointing at his face.

"Oh, UM, ALCOHOL! Yes, alcohol." Archer said.

"I thought you didn't like the stuff." I said, squinting my eyes at him. Archer stuttered, looking ready to shout something in defense of himself. "But I'm drunk, so I'm stupid enough to believe that right now." I said.

Archer slumped back down, looking both relieved and upset at the same time. "You're oblivious idiocy is both a blessing and a curse to me." Archer sighed. Mariah looked at him confused. I had no idea what was so confusing, but also didn't care.

Bleh.