Hiding the truth!

Chapter 4

I was shocked to see my mum leave dressed like that. Ive never seen her leave, she's always gone when i come home and never arives when im home she's there when i get home from school so it did shcok me a bit.

I didnt try and stop her for two teasons, one being my teacher was in her car watching and the second being my anger at her took over and when that happens i want to beat her up and walk away from her so what did i do, punch a wall!

I went in the house and run my hand under some water and hissed in pain and i saw all the blood run down the drain and i almost threw up, not the blood the way it looked it made me quessy but i think its cos ive not ate something in four days and its having an effect on me.

I quickly bandaged my hand up and changed my t shirt as it was coverd in blood and made my way to work. I was only five minutes late but Bill didnt mind. He gave me the keys and left himself. I saw some boxes in the back and they were new comics and i had to put them out on the shelves.

I brought one box through and it took all my enery and i shook my head away from the dizines. I put the new comic out and managed to do three boxes. I put Jeff's comic behind and i sat behind the counter and the door jingled and i stood up again and it was Jeff,

"hey Phoenix!" he cheared and i smiled "hey little dude, here you go!" i said and ruffled his hair and he laughed "here!" he said and gave me his money "see you soon!" he said and i nodded and he left and i put the money in the till.

The hour seemd to go slow and when it was over Bill came back in as he forgot to give me my pay. He went into the back and brought me a white envelope and i smiled. I gave him the keys for him to lock up and iw ent to straight to the shop.

I payed the gas and electric for the flat. I then went around and got all the food and i swear i coudl have ate it all with how hungry i was. I happily paid for it all and i had fifty three pounds left. I shoved it in my pocket and made my way home.

As soon as i got in i tore open a packet of crisps, something i dont normally buy but they were on special offer so i took some. I devoured the packet and then i put the food in the cupboards and brought out my microwave burger and put it in for the time it said on the packet.

While i waited i tidied my room. it was very dull and bare. I had my bed, my wardrobe and a small table with three drawers and that was it. My walls were all white and my furnature were brown and it looked really bland, but i ca afford to do anythign with it.

I heard the microwave ping and i put my dirty clothes in the washing machine and switched it on and took my burger out of the microwave and smiled widely. I sat at the table and ate it and it as to good.

I stoped myself from microwaving another one and washed the plate. Once i was done i done some homework to my upset but it had to be done.

I didnt do much over the weekend, i slept alot although i did go to a party on Sunday and i got wasted and i fucked afew girls but none worth doing again.

I switched my alarm of and threw it to the ground, today my nager will be skyrocketed. Today would be my sisters seventeenth birthday.

I had a shower and got dressed in all black, black jeans,black shirt and black hoodie even black fake converse. I went into the kitchen and when i looked in the livingroom it didnt surprise me to see my mum wasnt there,

I huffed and got myself some toast. I grabbed my bag and shoved my homeowrk in and took an apple, i may be addicted to drugs,smoke and drink more than i should but i do eat plenty of fruit. I grabbed the apple and left after locking the door shut.

I wlaked to school and i swear i saw Miss Farlen drive past but im to pissed of with the world at the moment. I headed straight to the back of the school and saw Marcus and Davey there "whens the stock comming in?" i asked bluntly "tonight!" Davey said and i nodded,

"two bags have my name on them!" i said and he nodded "will do!" he said and i light a cigarette and took a big puff "we headin to music?" Marcus asked and i shook my head "on you go though!" i said and he nodded and left, i couldnt face it.

I put my hands in my pocket and i felt my small bag. I brought it out and i had enough for a high. I brought out a school jotter and rested it on my knees and sat down. I made a line and sniffed it all up an di sat back and smiled.

I put my jotter back in my bag and just sat with my back to the school. I was out of it until i saw kids comming out of school for break. I slowly got up and zombie walked to music. Not for class but for music.

I walked into the practise roo and no one was there and i smiled lightly. I tripped up on a chair "fuck!" i said and i could feel my anger rising as the high went. I got up and clenched my fists. I saw the piano and sat down at it and just stared at it for a moment.

I started playing and clicking my fingers to the beat, i ended up playing an Adele song, Chasing pavements to be exact.I shook my head when i finished and just sta there and stared at the guitar on the wall opposite me.

I grabbed the guitar and sat on the chair to the side of the piano. I started strumming the tune to Home by Gabrielle Aplin. It kind of described my life, but it reminded me of the things i dont have and that made me depressed and i get angry.

Once i was done i just sat there "didnt know you sing?" soemone asked and i shot my head up and saw Miss Farlen leaning against the doorframe with her hands crossed over her chest "yeh well i do!2 i said and looked back at the floor, why cant i be left alone to drown in my own depression.

"you got some cords wrong!" she said and sat on the piano stool and i nodded "D,E and G!" i said and she nodded "im impressed though, where were you today first period?" she asked and i shrugged,

"cant remeber!" i said, i mtruly couldnt remember anything befor ehow i got here "what do you mean?" she asked and i shrugged "i dont know!" i said and shook my head slowly "are you even okay, you sound depressed?" she asked and i sighed and looked at her and she looked concerned,

I loked her over and i swear ive seen her before. I looked into her eyes and it was then i realised "you!" i said and she raised an eyebrow "me?" she asked and i nodded "you, it was you who helped me up!" i said and she looked at me confused,

"what are you on about?" she asked "that day, i was little i tripped up, you helped me back up and commented on my vionlin you were a grade nine and i was only a two, it was the day after my sis-" i stopped as i was about to say it,

She thought about it as i   froze and remembered everything that had hapened the day before "yes i remeber!" she said with a smile and i nodded and looked away "you seemed very down!" she said and i nodded "last day of primary!" i said and she nodded,

"that was my last day of secondary!" she said and i nodded "i guessed as i didnt see you around!" i wasnt going to tell her everything like it was me getting angry at her that caused me to start smoking, i just wont go there.

"you were gonna say something but you stoped what was it?" she asked and i shok my head "nothing its fine!" i said and she nodded and the bell went "i gotta go!" i said and grabbed my bag and raced out of there.

I made my way ot the back wall and sat b the tree opposite crying. I try not to cry but when i do i do it in secret. I dried my eyes and saw a broken glass bottle beside me. I picked up a bit of the glass and slid my hoodie sleve up revealing all the other scars on my rist.

I touched the glass on my skin and it felt cold. I quickly moved it and seconds later blood came puring out in a line. I hissed as the pain kicked in and i held my hoodie sleeve to it and droped the pice of glass and sat with my head resting on the tree.

I sat there all day until io had to go to work. Again the hour went slow but i actually liked working there. I got to read comics, how awesome is that!

I locked up and went home, today was not a good day.