Pain (frerard one shot)

Hey guys! yeah yeah yeah, somebody yell at me to udpate Long Gone. Sorry. Anyways I wrote this one shot based off of the song Pain by Three Days Grace for @Crow_Cataclysm. She is having a writing contest and I picked this one and also the song Seven Nation Army. I may upload that one too. Anyways you should go check out her contest. Its got a bunch of really cool songs and you can do pretty much what ever. go check it out, yeah?

ok, so the one shot it frerard, of course. No band, also.okay and trigger warning for self harm/suicide/self hate. If you get triggered easily please, i'm begging you, don't read it. It's not worth it.

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So damn numb all the time. When you left me I became numb. Not a feeling in my blood, it was all gone. I wasn't sad or angry or hurt or happy when you left me. Just numb.

The blood is dripping down my arm, slipping away from me. It drips onto the tile floor, stark against the white.

If you didn't see the blood flowing out of the cuts on my arm you wouldn't have known it was my blood. That it was the blood of Gerard Way. Me. It would just be blood to you. Well I guess it is just blood. I'm not worth anything. Not known at all and abandoned by the people who mean something to me,

More splatters of blood fall down down down. It leaves my viens so quickly.

They said that when they found you, you had so many cuts on your arm and thighs. They thought I would like to know that. I did know of them of course.  I had kissed them and tried to make you better. That didn't stop you from flying so damn high you fell. You had to fall to fly. And that broke me as well as you.

Pain. Pain was all I felt when I watched you push yourself off the ledge. I had reached out for your white shirt that was stained with blood, screaming for you. I was in agony. I couldn't let you fall. But you did.

Splash and god it was such a loud noise. You cracked the air like a bullet.

I almost preferred the pain I felt with you that not to this mind numbing blankness.  Just like you did.

-

I forgot common sense and dragged the dull blade across my arm again.

Pain, god it was such a relief. I deserved all the pain from this. I should have saved you.

God dam it scratch that "I almost preferred the pain to the numbness". I do. I would rather feel this pain in my heart and skin over this mind consuming black hole. Just like how you said you felt.

My vision was getting swimmy now. I had lost so much blood and was losing more by the second.

But I couldn't die yet. I wanted to, oh god I wanted to. I wanted to join you, frank, join you where ever you were. It hurt me to be apart.

But I promised you that I wouldn't. And even though your gone, I wouldn't break a promise to you. So I had to get it done quickly, so my promise would be fulfilled and I could join you.

I wiped the blood of my arm and floor, cleaning off everything. I had a promise to keep and sitting here wasn't going to get it done.

"Dear Gerard,

I guess by the time you have read this I will be gone. I will have flied

High; I will have fallen so far. Honestly Gerard, without you I would

have done this a long time ago. You kept me alive. I love you. Present

tense because I will always be with you in your heart.

Gerard, I know that when I am gone you won't want to continue on.

You've told me so many times before that if I left, you would follow

me right after. So I want you to promise me something okay? I know you

never break your promises. Do it. Live your dream. Be in a band or make

art, just change the world for the better. Do it for me. Just promise

me you won't quit until you've changed the world okay? I know you can

do it.

You're probably wondering why I've done this. I know it seemed like I

was happy. And sometimes I was. But really, for the most part it was a

plastic smile. It would melt right off. You made me complete Gerard,

but nothing could ever make me feel happy. Not even you. I'm so sorry.

But it's gotten to the point where I would rather feel the pain of

death than be numb forever. I hope you understand.

Remember me and your promise.

I love you,

Frank Iero xx"