These are the feelings of two broken soulmates that can't be together even if they are desperately infatuated with one another.
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Implies Jimin and Hoseok from the South Korean group BTS.
Inspired by the song: Sick of losing soulmates by Dodie Clark.
Breaking up is one of the hardest thing that can happen to you. Mutually agreeing to the fact that they should end things up broke Jimin and Hoseok even more then they already were. Leaving the person you love behind because of those fears, because of the judgment, because of the hate hurts like a bitch. They both loved each other, they adored one another, but it was also difficult for the two boys, it was a pain in the neck to live like they did. They didn't just break up because love was fading; they broke up because they felt like they were obligated to. They didn't have a choice.
People say that soulmates are a single entity that got separated in half in order to make life a little bit challenging. But nobody said anything about being purposely divided from your one's true love. Maybe sadness would have the last word for one time.
All the words that they heard, all the hate towards them, all the discrimination, they tore their walls down like an earthquake in their soul. Even if they knew that those words were as empty as the place next to them in their own bed, they couldn't stop being swallowed by the darkness that they created inside of themselves.
The first week was the denial phase, they tried to leave, but each time, they would end up craving each other's touch like an addiction. They isolated themselves in their room, ignoring the world judging them. The second one, Jimin had a massive anger explosion, he was screaming at the top of his lungs about the world's way of thinking and how people in this place were all pieces of shit. The third week, they were not in the house anymore, Hoseok was at the bar with his ex-roommates, drunk out of his mind, rambling about all the things they could've done to make things better, to make their relationship survive. The fourth week was the sad one; they were both alone, crying in their new separate home. It was the fourth stage of grief. Depression was simply inevitable. And finally, acceptance came after a good two months, they both understood that living like this was just making them even more sad and that they should "enjoy life as its fullest". What an awful phrase.
They started ignoring each other in dance class, partnering with other people and distancing themselves from each other. It even broke their group of friends. They would barely meet up at all. When Hoseok would hear that Jimin was going to be at an event that he was attending, he would fake a cold. Same goes for Jimin. The boys were mad at this situation, they were mad that they couldn't be all together without having to bear the elephant in the room. The tension would make them even more awkward than they already were. Their friendship was ruined.
"Hey, Jimin-ah." A soft and deep voice said in front of him. "You guys should probably talk.."
"I don't want to." Jimin said in a small whisper, drinking his hot cocoa. "And he probably doesn't want to either."
"He loves you, of course he would want to talk to you." Jin responded, sitting next to him.
"It doesn't change the fact that we broke up for a reason, hyung."
"Jiminie hyung, you avoided him for three whole months but suddenly, four days ago, you showed up at his house freezing to death and you guys even slept together, but you still try to avoid him. How can you be so selfish? Do you know that he feels like shit because of that night? He feels like he assaulted you but we all know that you consented." Jungkook spoke up, rolling his eyes at his elder.
Jimin averted his eyes away from his friends, tears blurring his vision. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, rubbing his anxiousness away. He looked up at Taehyung who gave him a sad look and hugged him.
"Don't listen to Kookie, he's just hurt because he hates seeing his friends depressed." Tae whispered, giving him a friendly kiss on his forehead. "He doesn't mean what he's saying."
"No, you're.. you're right Jungkookie. I should probably give Hoseok hyung my apologies." Jimin told him sincerely, a serious expression on his face.
At the same time, Hoseok was in his brand new living room, guitar in one hand and a pen in the other one. He was softly humming to the lyrics carelessly written on his notebook. His writing was a bit blotchy, smudged from the repetitive rubbing that he made when he was trying to erase the words. Namjoon kept telling him that he should use a pencil instead of a pen, but the latter was too lazy to go buy some since he was always losing them. The pastel blue haired boy could see Yoongi's handwriting next to some of the words, how neat it was compared to Hoseok's.
The musician was always a messy person, his hair always looked like a chaos, sticking up and curling a bit at the end. His notes were incredibly confusing, his books continuously scattered around the living room and loads of mugs on the tables. Strangely, all his final works were perfectly well-ordered and immaculate. The two rappers respected him for that. But right now, he couldn't find the inspiration to write new lyrics, his mind was blank, all he could think of was Jimin, the same blonde boy that was sleeping in his bed not even a week ago. How was he doing? How was he gone when Hoseok woke up the morning after he came? How could he left in such a hurry?
"Are you still thinking about Jimin again?" Yoongi asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nah, the real question here is are you feeling alright?" Namjoon cut him off, taking Hoseok's attention.
"Why wouldn't I be alright?" Asked the dancer.
"Because you've been sulking since this afternoon, man."
"I'm not sulking! I'm concentrating, that's a different thing."
"You didn't write anything for about an hour." Yoongi snickered.
Hoseok sighed and let his head fall on the table, closing his eyes.
"I'm just.. I can't stop thinking about him. He invades my mind like a virus infects a computer and I.. I just want to have amnesia and forget about all this shit happening in my life right now."
"Talk to him."
"He probably hates me, I took advantage of him."
"Jiminie is strong enough to push you away if he wants, he obviously didn't think of it as an abuse." The pastel blue haired boy said to his friend.
Hoseok silenced himself and looked at his notebook. All those lyrics were sad and depressing and he couldn't even look at them without feeling like a mess. He closed it and sighed again his mind full of his bubbly boy.
♡
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