We Didn't Want To

In the beginning

Chapter 1

There was a gush of wind and then they appeared on the corner of a street, the four men. One of them is holding a little squirming bundle in his arms wrapped in a white blanket, his trench coat flapping in the wind and deep blue eyes filled with tears glaring at nothing because he's so angry. Not sad like his brother, Gabriel, who let tears flow freely, not used to human emotions, and unlike the other two men it wasn't been ingrained in him from a young age to be ashamed of crying.
Not like the two brothers, the tallest is staring at the other in concern, because he knows this was his brothers' last hope for a real family, and here they are, in some small town in California that you barely find on a map and planning on leaving it there. Leaving that hope that had only started blooming eight months and six days ago, when Castiel had announced he was pregnant. Sam could still remember the smile that had grown on Dean's face when he had finally realized, no, the angel wasn't hopped up on Acid or possessed, but, yes, he was going to be a father, a dad.
The reason that Sam is staring at Dean is because the new father is blank-faced. He's not crying, and he's not glaring because he's not feeling anything. Nothing but numbness and the deep sense of dread that had planet itself in the pit of his stomach the moment he realized that they were going to have to give away his child. No way were they going to be able to keep it him, not with angels looking to kill the "abomination" (Gabriel had almost died when he had dared to call the baby that in front of Dean) and demons wanting to recruit him to their ranks.
Apparently, the child was a great conduit for good or evil. Which, Cas had explained, meant he had the potential to be very good, or very, very bad. He was a blank slate, not born evil or benevolent, like everyone else. He would be born with no moral compass, no guiding factor for his actions. A complete wild card. And worse yet, being half-angel also meant he would have the same powers, only, as a half-human, he would have free will and could determine his own fate.
And that's why they're here, in the middle of nowhere California, with a baby, which was born a mere five days ago. Gabriel had insisted they wait long enough for Castiel to recover from giving birth and both him and their baby to stabilize enough to travel safely, but Cas still looks a little pale. Dean steps forward next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly. Cas' glare lessens slightly and he looks down. Dean follows his gaze down to the child in the angel's arms. The baby is staring back up at them with curious honey brown eyes. Even if they were completely different in color, the baby's eyes shone just as bright as Castiel's blue ones.
Dean finally manages to drag his eyes away from the baby and he looks around them.
"Why here, again?" he asks.
"This is the safest place for him," Gabriel explains gently.
Dean snorts. He wants to say that the safest place for their son is with them, but he can't, because it's not.
"This is the most supernatural-free place in all of America." Sam goes on. "I checked, and there haven't been any supernatural or mysterious crimes here. He'll be fine, Dean."
And Dean believes him. Because this child is Sam's blood too, and he knows that his brother would protect him with his life. All of them would. So Dean trusts that this is the best thing for their child, Cas and his, even if it makes him feel like he's dying. There's no way Sam would have let them leave the child somewhere that he didn't know to be safe.
Dean gives a decisive nod and starts walking in a random direction. The others shuffle after him, none of them in a rush.
"Should we-" Dean hesitates. "Should we leave him on someone's doorstep?"
Castiel clutches the baby even tighter to his chest in response to that. "No."
"Let's find a hospital or something," Gabriel offers.
Cas nods face still grim.
After a few miles of walking, they found a hospital with a sign that read 'Beacon Hills Marmoreal Hospital' they all stop looking up at sign before they each give the baby one last look. Gabriel and Sam walk a little way away to give the couple a moment.
"We'll come back for you," Dean swears. "As soon as it's safe for you." He wipes his tears away with the back of his hand before stroking a shaking finger down the baby's face and then turning around abruptly to leave.
Castiel gazes down at his child his tears stop - tear tracks covered his cheeks. He places a gentle kiss to he baby's forehead and closes his eyes. He feels like a piece of himself has been ripped out and put into the small creature in his arms, and here they are, leaving it here.
"Excuse me?" A voice asks. It was feminine.
Castiel doesn't open his eyes, nor does he lift his head.
"Sir? Are you alright?" Someone taps him on the shoulder and Cas whirls around to face her. She's was caucasian, in her mid-twenties with dark brown hair, matching her dark oak eyes, that brushed her shoulders that were covered by a pastel blue nurses' outfit, concern painting her features. She looks like a good person. Kind and fair and loving. Good. That's good.
Castiel thrusts the baby into the stranger's arms before he says to hell with it and take him back home with them. He knows that they have to do this, but that doesn't make him any less angry, doesn't dull the pain. "We had no choice."
"What? Sir, what are you talk–" she starts, but Castiel doesn't let her finish.
"Make sure that he is safe, and that he knows we never wanted to do this. That he was loved."
And with that, Castiel turns and walks away, ignoring the calls of the nurse and the wailing of the baby. The anger fades to regret and tears start falling again down Castiel's face once again. This was the first time he had heard the baby cry and was probably going to be the last.
"I love you...son" he whispers mainly to himself.
Castiel walks back to their group and grabs a hold of Gabriel, who sends them back to the bunker with the same gush of wind in which they came.