We Didn't Want To

Heartbreak

[ seventeen years ago ]

Castiel clung to Dean, too weak to stand on his own. When Cas' knees gave out, Dean readily grabbed Cas to steady him. Dean's arm wrapped around Castiel's shoulders and the other underneath his knees carrying him bridal style, Castiel leans against Dean, his head resting on Dean's shoulder. Dean's lips twitch up into a slow sad smile, pulling him closer.  The angle lets out a small whimper, wrapping his arm around Dean's neck. Taking their time, they slowly approach their room. He carried him to the room and gently eased Cass into the mattress. He wished he could do more than just physically support Cas in that moment but he knew it helped to give Cas the space that he needed, he knew he had had to be strong for him.

That night, Cas laid awake crying in his bed. He couldn't stop the tears as his whole body shook. He was quickly losing his baby weight, and couldn't let go of the memory of feeling the baby kick against his stomach for the first time. He loved him knowing that it was an abomination—he loved him even knowing that he was going to have to give him up.

Cas was startled when he heard his door open, trying his best to hide his tears. He was surprised to see that it was his brother Gabriel. "What are you doing?" He asked, sounding more relieved than scrutinizing.

Gabe silently lifted the covers, slipping into the bed with Cas. "I wanted to check on my baby bro," he answered, settled down next to him. Castiel shifted his weight with care, mindful that his wound was still healing from birth. He curled into Gabriel's embrace, hoping he could stay there and forget it all.

"Cas," Gabriel softly said his name, wanting to make sure he was still awake.

"Hm?" Castiel tiredly asked as he closed his eyes, listening to Gabe's even breathing.

"I don't want you to think that what I'm about to say is only because of what's happened," Gabriel explained. " I should have said to this a long time ago, but" he continued, trailing his hand up and down Case' back in a comforting manner. "I love you, Cassie, and it's going to be ok, it's in good hands now" he breathlessly confessed, sounding as if he was winded by the very thought of it.

Cas lifted his head to look at Gabe. "I already knew," he answered. A small but hopeful smile graced Castiel' lips.

"Mieczyslaw"

"What?"

Castiel sighed and sat up in bed. Gabriel did the same until they were both sitting up. "The Nephilim...I .. um... named him Mieczyslaw. Is a Slavic name of Polish origin and consists of two parts: miecz 'sword', and sław 'glory and famous', Dean doesn't know this."

"Cas..."

"I even wrote his name in the blanket that his... or was wrapped in...so maybe he could keep some of his old identity" Castiel started looking down at his hands softly crying. "I should've known....." Castiel mumbled, "I should've known the other angels would kill him and me without hesitation."

"Cas...you can't -"

"BUT IT IS!!" Castiel cried, "This is my fault if I hadn't been so naive, been more careful we... we would - "

"wouldn't have had to give up Mieczyslaw" Gabriel finished.

Cas slowly nodded. Gabriel wraps his brother in his arms letting him rest his head on his shoulder rocking gently while his baby brother cries himself to sleep. He whispered softly encouraging words in Castiel's ears as an attempt to give him the reassurance that despite the pain and heartbreak, they all would make it through it.