Flame ||Klance|| (transgender au)

13.keith

Tw: this chapter deals with heavy mental shit. So depression is a big thing but also suicide and self harm. So if that stuff triggers you don't read.

Next day I got in a fight with someone in the hallway. I want to test Lance so I purposely made it so I was beaten up. I could see Lance close his eyes and I could see his fist curled up. He really wanted to get involved.

He didn't. That was good. It was proving to me he was able to listen to me and respect my boundaries. I then did something else to test him. "Lance help!" I yelled and he automatically got involved and punch the guy and grabbed my hand and rushed us out of there.

He listened still. This is one of the many reasons I loved him now. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "You listened."

"Well of course I did, it hurt me but I'll do almost anything you tell me," he looked at me and smiled back, "you got some bad bruises." He looked at me and caressed a bruise on my face.

"I'm fine Lance worse has happened plus I'm just happy that you didn't get involved until I asked for help."

"So is that what you want me to do from now on?"

I nod my head yes and look at him, "if you get involved with everything Lance I'll forget I can do things myself."

"But please remember I'm here," he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Of course I will," I smiled at him and gave him a hug.

Later that day I'd laid in my room thinking about what he said yesterday about being depressed.

I wondered if he knew.

If he knew how hard it was for me to get up every morning. It has been getting worse recently but I can't tell him. No one wants to hear that. I know that for sure because people have told me not to talk about that stuff with them because it makes them sad and I don't want to make Lance sad.

I kind of want to die though more so recently and I don't know why but that's how I feel.

I don't want to leave Lance alone though but I wondered if staying alive was the best thing for me.

I sigh and try to pull myself together realizing I was crying now.

I can't tell Lance about this. But I could tell someone else I suppose. Not Shiro, but he's been really kind to me. I'll tell him if gets really bad.

I hadn't been feeling much at all and it felt like another week passed by quickly yet still too slow. I felt like I tried to do things that usually made me happy. I tried hanging out with Lance, I tried writing, and I tried training. Nothing worked. The next week after that was even worse as now I was giving up and refusing to do anything. Lance keeps coming to my house trying to cheer me up and I've skipped several days of school. Shiro and his parents have asked what's going on but I feel like I still can't tell them.

I guess one day it was really bad and I felt like I had no other option but to kill myself it just felt right. So I picked up a kitchen knife and prepared myself but then I got a call from Lance.

"Hello," I answered almost in tears.

"Keith? Are you crying? Are you okay?"

I suddenly broke in tears, "no."

Lance then quickly said, "Im coming over."

Before I could protest he hung up.

I had to do this quick. But something inside me was stopping me. Maybe this would be easier with a different method. I grabbed a lighter and put it to my skin, it sizzled and burned and it felt calming but then it hurt. At least I was feeling something. I smiled at the match and made a few more marks and then I heard a knock on the door. I can't open it. But then the door was unlocked and someone came running into my room. Lance. But Shiro was behind him. "Keith," he said shocked and ran towards me and ripped the lighter away from my hands.

"We need to take YOU to the hospital," Shiro said sternly and I just shook my head with tears in my eyes.

"Keith we have to your burns are so bad you're bleeding," he said kneeling down and holding me.

I shook my head again, "I-i don't w-want..." I bit my lip I couldn't talk very well not at all.

"We have to go your burn are only getting worse," Lance said strictly and got me up and ushered me out to the car despite my protests. Shiro walked with us and drove to the hospital and Lance tried to comfort me and the back and told me he still loved me.

Once we got the hospital they immediately helped with the burn. But the whole process got a lot slower once they asked how I got them.

Shiro had told them that I'd done it to myself and they automatically suggested I go to a ward for mental health. Shiro and Lance automatically both agreed, even though I refused at first I decided it be the best for me in the end. They asked me tons of questions that were hard to answer. Especially since emotionally I was still a mess and it was hard to process everything. I didn't know what would happen next but I only hoped that I wouldn't have to change family and towns again.  

A/N
It gets better, I promise. There's always someone who will love you no matter what.