Conversations In the Storm

Chapter Three - Ocean Sounds Never Work

Over the past hour, the lights had flickered a number of times, but had remained on. Though the lightning had eased again, the winds had picked up and several times there had been cracks and crashes indicating tree branches being wrenched free.

Nick had risked the winds to rush back outside and drive his car into her garage, and thank goodness they had done it when they did, before the rain had become ten times heavier.

Caroline huddled on the couch, a throw rug over her legs. Even though the house was warm enough, the howling whistling wind was making her shiver.

Through the doorway to the kitchen, she could see Nick pacing back and forth, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his mobile phone to his ear. She knew he was talking to his children, his tone of voice was the same lilting, expression-filled sound that he always used with Phoebe and young Max. Initially she had thought it was ridiculous, how people's voices became so animated around children. Truth be told, she had spent very little time around children herself. She had been the youngest in her family, she'd not had any younger cousins, none of her friends had children, and so she didn't have the first clue of how to be comfortable around them.

But when she had first met those kids - something in her heart had torn away and latched onto each of those innocents. The purity, the glee, the simple joys that they found in mundane things... it had awoken something in her, something she thought was lost.

Hope.

Sure, she never would have described herself as hopeless. In fact, she was quite happy with how she had turned out. Although she missed Summer every day, although she had no real relationship with her parents or her brother, although she had become what she was without the support of a loving family, she had gotten there. She was an independent woman. She had completed her business degree, she had a well-paying project advisor job that she happened to love at a successful marketing firm. Somehow, she had ended up with a close, small circle of friends.

But she had always believed that love was not on the cards for her. She was cynical when it came to relationships with any kind of risk, and love carried the most risk. To let people in, to let them see who you are without knowing whether they would still be there at the end of the day? It required a different sort of bravery, and wasn't likely to come easily to someone who had personally been rejected by those who were supposed to love her the most. For some people, those brave people, sure. There was plenty of opportunity for them. But not for her. She was resigned to that fact. She had dated as a young adult, sure, but knowing that it wouldn't go anywhere. It was as if she had only ever agreed to go out with guys who she knew would not want anything long term, who were looking for a bit of fun, dating for the sake of it. Someone to spend spare time with, without expecting any real long term commitment.

After her own disillusionment with her family, she'd always sensed that she was not meant to have a family of her own. After all, she didn't have an example of what it took to raise a loving family. Of course, the years while Summer had been alive had been great, they had felt like a real family. Sure, Summer was quite self-obsessed, but what girl in her teens wasn't? And although Adrian had referred to her as his annoying kid sister, he had nevertheless looked out for her.

But those memories had all but been drowned out, and now they almost felt like a dream. No, she didn't have what it took to actively seek a partner, create a family, a life further than the superficial. And she had almost convinced herself that she was okay with that. For many years, it had worked. She had her routine, her life, it was stable and safe.

But then, ten months ago, at her parents' anniversary party, she had come face to face with Nick Wilkins. Even though it was almost twenty years since the scolding she had gotten from her brother, she still had felt mortified knowing he had heard what had been said.