Conversations In the Storm

Chapter Nine - A 'Calm' Morning

Despite the fact that she despised the storms, Caroline loved being outside once it had passed. The air just felt so clear, there was a calmness in the air in comparison.

Many of her flowers and shrubs had suffered from the severe conditions and she sighed. Although she usually loved the excuse to potter around the garden, the thought made her feel exhausted after the night she’d had.

She and Nick had remained silent in bed for what had seemed like hours until eventually they had fallen asleep. She had tossed and turned relentlessly, waking several times. When she had finally woken in the morning, his arms had been around her, and she had felt like weeping all over again. She didn't know if she had the strength to follow through with her resolve to cut all ties with him and everybody else.

He had woken as she disentangled herself from his arms and he had watched with shuttered eyes as she had left the bed.

All morning they had barely spoken. He hadn't even stayed for a cup of coffee. Then again, she hadn't offered. They had simply shared a long look before he had slowly turned around and headed to her garage.

After all, what more was there to be said? No matter what, they would never be able to go back to what they had once been. Too much had happened, too much hurt. He had hurt her inexplicably, and now she knew she had hurt him back. He had taken the risk to come to her, to admit his wrongs, and to beg for her to come back and she had rejected him.

She hadn’t been prepared to see Nick in the first place, let alone to have him confront her.

Life was easier without entanglements, without caring. It was simpler when you accepted that you were on your own, and you just got on with it.

But remembering how life had been with Nick, Phoebe and Max, she knew it wouldn’t be enough for her anymore. Her life would be empty and miserable if she only ever spent it alone. She had always yearned for a family, and one day she would have it. She was wrong to think she didn’t have love, she was wrong to allow herself to believe what she had heard that night two months ago, when Nick had lied and told her that she couldn’t give love. She knew now that she had tremendous capacity for love, and one day she would be able to make someone happy. She just had to accept that it wouldn’t happen with the people currently in her life.

She had to complete the act of separating herself from the hurt. She would mend bridges with her parents, get them back to some state of civility. However she would accept the limitations. She would no longer go over there for Sunday dinners and pretend they were a loving family. She would not tolerate their judgments and insults. She would not allow them use her dead sister as ammunition, she would no longer allow Summer’s existence and memory to be a sore in all of their lives. Summer deserved better. She deserved to be remembered with joy and fondness, not as a mere reminder of how they all felt broken by her absence. She would say goodbye to her brother once and for all, accepting that the best she could hope for was preserving her memories of him before the accident. She would once and for all turn her back on Nick, and she would one day forget about his family. His family.

"Care?"

She whirled.

"Nick – did you forget something?"

"Actually, I brought something for you."

His eyes were tentative, but she recognised something she had long since forsaken in herself.

She saw his hope.

"I don’t need anything, Nick. You came to help me last night, and I appreciate the thought, but I don’t need anything."