Conversations In the Storm

Chapter Seven - I Remember Everything

There was no way she could pretend that this wasn't excruciating for her. Damn it.

Grabbing a candle, she ran into the bedroom, set it down on the bedside table and then closed the door. Dropping to her knees, she buried her head in the quilt, trying desperately to get her breathing under control.

Thunder continued to rumble. She whimpered, she could feel her body shake. Though now she honestly couldn't tell if it was the storm or the fact that this man, who had humiliated her, hurt her, he was in her home yet again and she didn't want to admit that she was still hopelessly in love with him.

She believed what he had said, foolish though it was. He left the safety of his home to drive on slippery roads, through the sleet, because he knew that she didn't do well in storms. He left his children and he came here for one reason – to help her, and she couldn't bear it.

"Care, please don't cry."

Arms came around her shoulders, pulling her up, bringing her back against his chest, her head cradled under his chin.

Another violent crash of thunder made her jump, and he turned her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he kept her there, soothing her, allowing her to listen to the thumping inside his own chest.

"Caroline-."

"You hurt me, Nick. You embarrassed me. You made me feel worthless and you tossed me aside like a used tissue. You knew my insecurities, and you purposefully used them against me."

"I know. And you can hate me for it, but don't doubt what I'm telling you now."

He whispered to her.

"You never did anything wrong, Care. I was afraid. I had two kids who were angry with me because their mother was gone, and then someone else came and formed a relationship that I couldn't compete with. I'm meant to be their whole world, Care, but all of a sudden you were it. And I wasn't sure why. And I was so scared that you weren't in it for real, and after all of that you would leave us anyway, once you realised that we weren't all you were hoping we would be."

Nick’s arms tightened around her.

"Your brother made me feel like I owed him. He had his own reasons, I’m sure of it, he’s not malicious, but I shouldn’t have been so weak and given in. I should have fought. I’m fighting now. I'm sorry, honey, I’m so sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough."

She struggled against him, but he refused to release her. Her head jerked up.

"'I'm sorry... I'm sorry...' You're sorry? I should hope so. You think the fact that you are finally sorry is some magical eraser?"

"Of course not..."

"You do. You came here tonight, thinking a sorry would get you out of the guilt? You think you're being charming, helping me out of my fear of storms, thinking it will make you seem charming and my defenses will be lowered."

"You think I had an ulterior motive coming here?"

His face was red, he had come to stand in front of her and he grabbed her arms, pinning them by her sides so she couldn't push him away again.

"As soon as the storm hit, I thought of you. I'm always thinking of you anyway, I can’t stop. Since the first moment I saw you at that party for your parents, I can never get you out of my mind. But I remembered our time at the cabin. The rain hit quickly, you were panicking at the thought of thunder and I couldn't understand why."

She shook her head, not wanting to remember that weekend, that weekend with him and his family which had become one of the highlights of her entire life. But he continued to push.