Love me like you do ||zerrie - Editing

Chapter 4

Perrie's p.o.v

I grabbed another tissue from the little box. It was the 6th box of tissues that I had spent. After the interview I didn't really exit my room.

When we arrived to the building in which we live in, I came running to my room and continued crying and thinking of the past. Why did he come into my life again?Why can't I just have a normal life and get over my ex?It's like being in a room.In a locked room , in wich there's a key.This key is the key for the exit.When you find it and you're about to exit the room, it suddenly dissapears from your hands, and then you're supposed to find it again.I sigh and put my headphones on, choosing my 'Favourites' playlist and letting it play
.The first song was 'Fall away' by The Fray.I listened quietly and hummed along with the song , recognizing every verse as a moment of my life.Yes , it's true.I'm falling away form my past. But...It's following me. My past is following me , and I fall away.

Next Song:'Good enough' by Little mix.I chuckled and started humming along:

    I am the diamond you left in the dust

I am the future you lost in the past

Seems like I never compared

Wouldn't notice if I disappeared

You stole the love that I saved for myself

And I watched you give it to somebody else

But these scars no longer I hide

I found the light you shut inside

Couldn't love me if you tried

Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough

Does it burn

Knowing I used all the pain?

Does it hurt

Knowing you're fuel to my flame?

Don't look back

Don't need your regrets

Thank God you left my love behind

Couldn't change me if you tried

Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough

Release your curse

'Cause I know my worth

Those wounds you made are gone

You ain't seen nothing yet

Your love wore thin

And I never win

You want the best

So sorry that's clearly not me

This is all I can be

Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough

I guess that's what I am. 'Not Good Enough'. But why do I even care? I have to move on. Yeah , that's what you have to ..But it's not what you really want to do, right Perrie? My subconsious reminded me. I sighed , knowing that it's true. I don't wanna forget him. I guess I'm stuck in the past. Forever. I want him, more than ever actually.And the fact that I saw him again after 4 years is making me love him even more. I.Ugh I hate him!Yeah , that's what I feel for him...But you love him.My stupid subconscious reminded me , once again.Sometimes I hate her more than anyone.But yeah , she's telling the truth.She's always telling the truth.But sometimes , I just prefer to ignore her. 'Cause the truth hurts. It always hurts for me. I'm always broken. I'm not a good rolemodel. What kind of role model are you if you're weak and sad most of the time?Oh yes, a bad role-model. That's it. That's what I am. And I'm sorry , I'm really sorry about it. But really , I can't do anything. It's complicated. I love him but hate him at the same time. I hate this situation.I t's just not me.Well, I guess that it is me , 'cause that's how I have been for  the past 3-4 years.But before all of this I was so happy, and thankful and lively. I loved everything and everyone and smiled all the time.I wanted to help people solve their problems , I wanted to encourage them to keep going and remind them about how beautiful life is, as many tines as they needed to hear it.But after my heart-break, I completely changed. I didn't talk to people as much as I did before , and I spent most of my day locked in my room, reading books and listening to music. I ruined my life. All I could think of was him. And by him, I mean Zayn. He was the one that ruined me. The one that ruined my life. And I hate him for this. But everytime I see his eyes...All the pain and anger I've felt  for him the past few years goes flying out the window, and is replaced by love and happiness.And it's trully upsetting , you know?

Suddenly I heard the door open , and a black-haired woman walked in. Leigh. I got up and hugged her immediately, too weak to start conversation.She quickly hugged me back and I started sobbing again. I think I'm never getting out of this situation. Not until he's mine again.

Zayn's p.o.v

I was at Louis' house , silently crying. Crying because after these endless 4 years I finally saw my lover again. But this time was different. She didn't hug me, or kiss me like she always did. She didn't smile stupidly at me. She didn't blush when I looked into her ocean blue eyes. Instead, she froze. She just stood there, watching me with no emotion at all. She broke down after a few few minutes, then excused herself and ran to the bathroom. And that's when a tear fell from my eyes. The girls and the boys just stood there , awkwardly. After a little while Jade went to find Perrie, and the other girls exited the room. The boys saw the tear that fell from my eyes and they came next to me and tried to comfort me, but all I really wanted to do was go back to my or one of the other boys' house, and that's what I did. But before doing it, I tried to go wherever Perrie was, only to be told by the bodyguards that 'I have to stay away from her for her and my safety' and that 'if I don't listen to them they will punish me'. Me and the boys left the building as soon as the interviewer asked us some basic questions because she didn't want to 'loose her job'.

I was lying on the sofa, and the tears were now freely streaming down my face. I couldn't stop them by this point. My lover. She'd propably ignored all the messages I had sent her. She rejected me. That's right , the only one that I ever really loved and spent the most of my time with had rejected me, even if we were still in a relationship. The funny thing is, that we didn't ever break up normally. Actually we didn't even say the words 'breaking-up'. We didn't even think of it. So, yeah, we're techically stikm in a relationship I guess.I hope at least.