i looked for jeno and found him in the back of the library. "hey renny" he called he while slightly reaching out for my hand and hip. "hi" i said looking at jenos lips with a smile.
i tuck my hand under his arm and wrap the other hand around his neck. i give him a peck on the lips happy to see him. we both smiled and giggled.
as i was about to lean in for another kiss a girl yelled. "eww, NO HOMO, NO NO HOMO". we heard another guy say "oh i got that on camera". tears start flowing out of my eyes. jeno reached out for a hug when i pulled away and ran towards the bathroom not trying to be embarrassed anymore. a whole group of students surrounded me as i held my mouth.
i felt my gut was ready to burst. it was too much for me to handle. i went into the bathroom and i couldn't hold myself up from the overwhelming flow of sickness flowing in my body. i felt guilty but for what? i dropped to the floor and started balling. i saw my tears flow into the floor to the drain. something about that was calming.
jeno burst into the bathroom.
"oh my god renjun, are you alright?" he said
"HOW ARE YOU STILL OKAY?!?!" i shouted at him still in tears. "IM OKAY BECAUSE IM NOT AFRAID TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE AND BE WHO I AM" he shouted back.i was shocked by his words and also hurt by them i knew he was right but i didnt want to believe it.
"i-im sorry but i dont think i can do this much longer. you're right, im too afraid. but you forgot to mention that im not strong like you. i cant just do things when i want to. unlike you, if someone gets in my way i let them get in my way. im sorry you forgot about how we bonded. i dont think i can be with such a confident person. i dont deserve you for all the self hate i put on myself. bye jeno"
tears roll down my eyes as i say those hurtful thins to him
"no" jeno starts tearing up "your perfect for me, im sorry r-renjun. he sniffled and studdered between my name"please dont leave."
i walk out the door knowing i have to see him when it comes to being in nct dream. life is hard and like he said im too afraid so it will be even harder for me to face the problems life throughs at me.
