Stained wrists

Dysfunctional family

The drive from California to Wyoming was long and seemed to drag on forever.  It wasn't only my step dads nagging that annoyed me it was also the out of tune singing from my little sister.  We  stopped in Utah and got one hotel room for seven people; we would have gotten two but we were really low on cash. That's also why we drove instead of flying. All night the kids were restless and loud. I had to sleep in a bed with the three younger kids while my brother got the pull out bed all to himself. I didn't sleep all night I was too busy listening to my little brother talk in his sleep and I was slowly being kicked out of the bed my my sister .  In the morning we got back on the road and it didn't seem that long because I was asleep for most of the ride. I woke up to my older brother pulling my hair and my sister screaming the lyrics to 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus.  We finally got to our semi new house. I stepped out of the car and stretched out my aching limbs.  I examined the house, it was a good size for our big family. It looked old and the paint was all worn. The house was an awful green color it reminded me of the color of my brothers throw up from car sickness on the way up here. My mom got out of the car with a huge grin on her face she turned to me and obviously saw the grossed out look on my face so she put her arm around me and said "I know it's not much but will fix it up as soon as we get settled in."
My step dad looked over at me and asked "Armani you wanna help me paint he house ?"
I rolled my eyes and answered "sure whatever."
We go inside and I head straight upstairs to claim my room.  After everyone has their own room they start bringing up beds mine first since I'm the only one complaining about how tired I am. Once I am mostly unpacked I sit on the bed and turn on my phone; I see there is a voice mail from my father. He says " hey your aunt told me your mom is moving you to Wyoming well I never said that she could do that so tell her that if she doesn't bring you back I'm going to call the police!"
It was obvious he was drunk out of his mind which he usually is. I hate when he tries to contact me because he lost that right when he left my family fatherless, so he could go marry some skank in Arizona . I angrily text him saying:
"Your a deadbeat and you have no right telling me or my family what to do! fucking get sober and clean up your act then we'll talk until then don't text me again! you know for a fact when you left you gave up your parenting rights so leave my family alone, we are much happier without you asshole!"
I start crying by just the thought of how it felt when my dad left. I mean I was his baby his little girl and he just walked away from me, he left. I wipe my tears and walk to the top of the stairs I yell to my mom "I'm not feeling well I'm going to get some rest you guys can go to dinner with out me."
She replies "ok hunny hope you feel better text me when you wake up we'll be back later"
I sit and wait to here the door slam when I'm sure everyone is gone I go into the bathroom and even though no one is here I lock the door just in case I run a steaming hot bath tears still running down my cheeks I undress and step in.  The water  scolds my skin but I don't mind the pain; I'm use to it as you can tell by the scars covering my wrists and my thighs.  My heart aches and I start balling I lay down and slip under the water. I hold my breath for as long as I can I release all the air I have left in my lungs I sit there until my head starts to throb and my heart starts racing and my cheeks and chest feel like they are on fire I slowly allow my self to float up I take a deep breath and I curl up in a little ball and cry for awhile my whole body burns but I don't care I unplug the bath and get out, wrap a towel around my burning red body and walk to my room. I lay down in my bed and start to think about how and why I have such a dysfunctional family.