Walking Disasters (You & I) {Frerard}

seven

After most Leathermouth shows, Frank felt energetic and aggressive and sometimes a little horny. But right now, he just felt anxious, paranoid, and hating himself once more. He had jumped into the crowd during the middle of the set because in the moment, it just felt right. But, the audience hadn't really expected it, or something, and had failed to properly catch Frank. At most shows, the audience had always been able to catch him, even if they weren't quite expecting it. But tonight, that hadn't been the case. The audience hadn't caught him, and Frank had ended up landing on quite a few unsuspecting people. There hadn't been any reported injuries, but Frank couldn't help but worry that he had hurt someone, crushing them under his weight. He hadn't even cared that he had ended up in a rabid audience of people that were there to see him without security in a very close vicinity, he just cared about whether or not he had gotten too big to be able to crowd dive and crowd surf anymore.

Leathermouth shows were supposed to make Frank feel better about himself, to make him forget that he was a pathetic fat loser, if only for a couple of hours. The songs he wrote and later screamed out to fans who felt the same as him were supposed to be a way to vent. A way to cope. But right now, they weren't doing shit.

With shaky hands, Frank managed to open his apartment door, not even greeting Sweet Pea as she barked at his arrival, pawing at his legs. He ripped off various pieces of sweaty clothing as he went through his apartment, diving straight for his bed when he reached his room. He had grabbed his phone from the pockets of his pants, but now that he had it, he wasn't sure what he intended to really do with it. He still felt like shit, and he could have really use some support right about then. He could text or call Jamia to talk to her, since she would probably understand the best anyway, but he decided against it. She was probably already asleep, and he didn't want to wake her up. He didn't want to go to any of his other friends, since they would then probably see him as weak. Guys weren't supposed to hate themselves. But Frank did, and was at a loss for what to do.

Before he realized what he was doing, Frank was going into the Tumblr app, making his way to the bodyposi4boys blog. He intended to send an anonymous message to the blog, not caring who answered at that point, but he realized that it would take too long for them to answer it. And by that point, Frank might have done something stupid, which was a lingering thought in the back of his mind that was growing stronger by the second. So, he did something that, when he first started frequenting the blog, he had told himself not to do. He found that he was doing a lot of things he swore he was never going to do when it came to the blog.

He went to his pms, typing in the blog name and hitting 'message blog'.

•••

frankieromustdie: Uh, hi. I know this sounds really dumb, but I'm having a really terrible time right now. I'm the lead singer for a band, and I usually crowd surf and stuff at my shows, and I did that tonight. But the audience didn't catch me, and I'm afraid that I might've hurt someone, cause I'm on the heavier side and shit. I know it's stupid and irrational, especially because, as far as I know, no one got hurt when I fell. But I still can't help but worry. I would hate myself so much more if I knew my weight actually hurt someone else, and I'm really afraid I'm gonna hurt myself or some other stupid shit. I know it's pathetic, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to right now

bodyposi4boys: Hello lovely! I'm sorry to hear that the show didn't go so well, and I hope you or anyone else that was there is free of injuries! Before I get into one of my hardcore speeches, I want to let you know you are never alone. I personally will always be here for you to talk to whenever you need it. Trust me, I'm kind of a hermit lmao. And, I know it's hard, and I know it seems like a solution, but hurting yourself is only going to make things worse, rather than fixing them. If you really feel like you're going to hurt yourself, I can give you a number for a suicide hotline, or one for a crisis hotline?

frankieromustdie: No, I don't think I need one of those. I just need someone to talk to, you know? I'll be okay

bodyposi4boys: Okay, that's great! I understand completely

bodyposi4boys: Now, for a very long and involved speech brought to you by yours truly

bodyposi4boys: I know it might seem sometimes like your weight could easily crush a person, but I'm telling you right now; it can't. In the past, I've always been hesitant to lay on or even lean on people, especially past romantic partners, afraid I was gonna like, break all their bones cause I was so heavy. But trust me, you can't! It's literally physically impossible, even if you weigh like, 600 pounds. Your body distributes your weight over top of someone so that if you were to lay or fall on them or something, you wouldn't crush them. Yeah, it might be a bit uncomfortable for them, but it won't crush them. Plus, most people would tell you if you laying on them was so unbearably uncomfortable they couldn't handle it. I can imagine you weren't on top of these people long enough for it to be very uncomfortable, either, so really, I wouldn't worry about it. If there were no reported injuries, then, yeah, you're pretty much in the clear for guilt. I can also imagine that your fans at your shows don't really care about your weight either, if they keep coming to your shows and all. They're there for your music, not for your appearance

frankieromustdie: Thanks, man. I actually do feel better about that whole shit show lol

bodyposi4boys: Aw no problem! That's what I'm here for. If you ever need anyone to talk to or anything, me and the other mods are always here to talk. Plus, you can also pm us on our personal blogs if you want to do that, too!! Mod G <3

frankieromustdie: Thanks, will do