Is this love?

Scars and bruises ::4::

[TRIGGER WARNING]
Eren is abused by Grisha and self harms.
You have been warned

ERENS P.O.V

I scrambled out of the classroom, walking into the nearest empty sanctuary I could find to release the tears that threatened to fall from my dull oceanic eyes. A supply closet caught my attention and I quickly bursted threw the door, shutting it behind me. I pressed my back to the door and slowly slid down, hitting the floor as I hugged my knees and began to cry. Numerous tears slid from my puffy eyes and fell to the floor.

I hate him. He only wants to play with me. He doesn't care about me.

I let the crucial thoughts and words violate my weak mind as I hugged myself, searching for any kind of warmth. But it was all cold.

Why did he save me!?!

I thought to myself. Probably to gain my trust and see me break as he spits his offensive jokes that his stupid friends considered humorous.

RING!RING!RING!

The final bell rings, sending the sound down into the hallways and vibrating off lockers. I stood up and wiped my tears before leaving the awfully cramped closet and getting out of the closet hoping nobody will see me. I ran back to the English classroom to retrieve my bag, only to find Levi's group sitting on desks and chatting amongst themselves. My stomache ached as Levi's worlds once again clouded my mind. I speed walked to my desk, my head and eyes focused on my only priority, getting the bag.
"Oh look, it's Jeager!"
Petra said, pointing at me with her finger that had a fake pink nail glued to it. I ignored her and walked up to my desk, reaching out for my shoulder bag. Levi sat on the desk next to me, looking at me as if I was the most disgusting this in the world.

Can't blame him, I pretty much am...

I thought to myself, taking my bag from the hook of my desk.

"Hey Eren, did you get your women's PE uniform yet?" Erwin boomed out in a humorous voice, sending his group laughing. Levi scoffed and looked down at me. I was filled with shame, no other men PE clothes fitted me so I was brought to wear a women's small. Tears began threatening my eyes but I managed to keep them in. I took my bag and left without a word.

Fuck, I'm going to be 3 minutes late!

I thought as I began to rush "home". I didn't see it as a home but apparently it's the only place I had. I didn't even see my father as my father. I always feel that I'm alone, no family no home. At least not a loving family and home.

I rushed down the sidewalk, panting as I ran as fast as possible. I saw the brim house that I was held captive in come in view. I zoomed to the porch and tried opening the door, only to see it was locked. I knocked on the door, my anxiety began to rise. The door opened slowly and I was going to walk in until a hand grabbed my shirt and pulled me in.
"Why the fuck are you late?!? We had our neighbors come here to talk and the house was a fucking mess!! This is all because of you you little shit!" My dad shouted, spit flying from his mouth onto me. I struggled in his hold, earning a slap from him.
"I-I'm s-sorry I- AGH!" I gasped as his foot rammed into my stomach, he began kicking me. I covered my head to secure I didn't get hit anywhere severe.
"YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!" He screamed at me as he yanked my hair up, lifting my head, slapping me when I came to his night.
Tears streamed down my face, I tried so hard to hold them back, but they didn't oblige. Tears began to flow from my eyes as my dad continued to beat the hell of me.

This is what you deserve
Your so weak
Useless
You deserve to stay cold and lonely
Forever...
The daemons thy lurked in my head screamed at me, made me feel like nothing. I began to sob as my dad continued to beat me.

"Get lost you piece of Shit, this house better be clean by tomorrow. Our guests will be coming tomorrow." My dad spat, kicking me one more times before retrieving a beer from the fridge as heading to his room. I grabbed into the stairs railing, pulling myself off the floor as more pain shot up my side. I whined in pain, squinting my eyes shut and making my way up the stairs. I tripped a few times but soon made it to my bathroom, entering it and locking the door. I opened the cabinet from under the sink, taking out the first aid kit. I grated my bruises with cream and wrapped bandages around my waist. I then washed my face and applied a bandaid to my cheek where the soul of ships shoe dig into my skin.
I continued to dig through the first aid kit to find any other bandages, only to come in contacts with a blade. I stared at it, letting more voices violate my head.

Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
You derserve this.
Your useless.
Your nothing.
Nothing...

My hand reached for the silver blade in the box. I climbed into the bathtub and pulled up my sleeves, ripping off the old bandages from this morning. I held the blade to my skin and slid it across my forearm. I draw with sliver, that turns to red. I continued this process until my arm began to pain itself in red and drip onto the white slid below me.
This is what you deserve.
This is what you are.

My daemons whispered as I decided it was time for me to stop. I stood up from the bath and walked to the sink, turning on the lukewarm water and letting it wash over my cuts and deep into the new lines. I hissed in pain as I felt it sting. I took the bandages from my first aid kit and decorated myself with bandaids and gauge.

Deciding it was enough I put away the first aid kit and with the blade and washed the tub. I exited the bathroom and lumped downstairs, looking at the mess before me. Beer bottles were scattered around the floor, both broken and whole. There were newspaper articles littered on the couch and dirty plates with food on the table.
I had a lot of work to do.

~time skip~
I finished up in the kitchen and demanded the house to be clean. The living room was nice and for once the whole structure looked neat for once. I made my way up to my room, pulling out my pajamas which visited of an oversized twenty Øne Piølets hoodie and some black shorts. I made my way to the bathroom and showered, washing my hair and body. I got dressed after bandaging myslef once again, making the note that I had to buy more first aid materials. I quickly walked to my bedroom and went to bed, my whole body aching. Maybe tommorow my dad will let off sense we have guests. I wonder who they are.

Sleep love~
I heard my mothers voice say.
Fall asleep before you fall apart love~