Selflessness

When I'm Gone Who Would Care?

For the longest time any issues Jack had he was able to deal with them himself or hold it inside to try to suppress his feelings. He had gone through so much since elementary over a vast variety of issues related to depression that no one should ever have to go through in their life time especially their childhood years; and still carry over into their teenage years. All he had gone though hurt him whenever they happened again, or when someone says something that triggers it, or whenever he thought about it. Anytime this happened though because how long Jack had dealt with it he was able to pretend he was happy either in person or over text messages. Either way no one could tell that Jack had been suffering from depression this long, and he never wanted to talk about it since to him his issues weren't important. Although only once Jack decided to tell one of his family members what he was going through since they had gone through the same issue, but never again after that one time.

One day though after all Jack had gone through there was one area he hadn't expected to experience nor was he ever ready for. It all started out when Jack had noticed during his time in high school he wasn't attractive to girls like how normal guys were that he knew. Well he was still attractive to girls, but for that to happen the girl would have to meet many traits that he found to be really attractive; and no none of that had to deal with how the girl looked. Either way though the chances of meeting a girl that meet everything was basically next to none except he had only meet 3 girls, so far in his whole life that meet this.

What stopped him from even trying to ask them out was that he had tried once before, but the outcome didn't end so well. Long story short the girl tore his heart to pieces when he asked politely and were no longer friends with Jack. He tried to repair their friendship through a note since she would not speak to him; and she ended up tearing up the note and give it to one of her friends to throw in his face. Ever since then Jack was afraid another friendship would end the same way, so he gave up on trying on top of he felt very insecure about himself. Ever since that happened he felt like he must be very ugly for it to end so quickly, and began to hate how he looked and how his voice sounded too when it came to girls. From this though he noticed he was attractive to guys as well, but more open when it came to what he was looking for in a relationship. Jack decided he didn't want to pretend he was someone he was not, and planned on telling at least his parents he was more gay than bisexual.

He decided to tell his Dad first since he wasn't as nervous to tell his Dad compared to his mom plus he could get an insight from his Dad as to how his mom would feel about this. Jack told his Dad and he took it more well than expected, and always had a feeling his son was this way; but when it came to his mother neither knew how she would take it. When Jack had a chance to tell his Mom alone she didn't say much for a bit, but had a serious face and then said she didn't know how she felt about it. Jack didn't push any further to ask her because he got his answer from how she looked and responded after thinking back on how she took it. If his dad would have been against it it wouldn't have bothered him; but because it was his mom he was closer to his mom and now felt that relationship was over.

During all of this at the same time the one family member who knew he was depressed told his Dad, which hurt Jack even further then how he was already feeling. Not only was his family betraying him some were slowly rejecting him and disowning him as a family member. After all Jack had endured his whole life this was too much for him, and he could no longer hold it in anymore nor did he wanted to anymore. During the middle of the night that night he grabbed a razor he had in his room and he also grabbed his phone with his headphones. He put on the song Bleed it Out by Linkin Park and began to sing with the song along with cutting himself:

Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time
Hand grenade pins in every line
Throw 'em up and let something shine
Going out of my fucking mind