Growing up, I've been a fan of movies and movie stars. I have a habit where as when I like somebody from a movie, I'll research about him or her. I easily get obsessed with them. I easily get obsessed with everything.
I remember watching Scorsese's films all throughout my teenage years. Goodfellas, Mean streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull.. Mafia films. Those where my sort of thing. I became obsessed with Robert De Niro. I became obsessed with the film industry. I became obsessed with everything related to films. I formulated an idea in my head wherein I will become a director or something. Producer, an agent. Anything that could get me close to Robert De Niro and all of the movie stars. I was driven.
I was 9 when I first watched The Godfather. My father didn't know I watched it. When he knew, I thought I'd get a beating but instead, he gave me a dvd copy of Taxi Driver. He said, it was his most favorite movie. I watched it and loved it. From then on, my father and I bonded over anything movie related.
When I was 14, a boy asked me out for a date, he was 15. I turned him down and said I wouldn't date you because you ain't De Niro. I wanted older guys. Not literally De Niro but I wanted somebody who looks like the movie stars I see on television. I know I'm not the only one.
My first relationship was in fact with an older man. I was 17, he was 28. He wasn't De Niro or a movie star or a producer but he was a bank manager. We kept our relationship a secret. He respected me, I enjoyed his company. He was spoiling me with everything I wanted. My father disapproved of our relationship but after a few months, he found out that the guy I was dating was in fact a good guy so he let us be.
My fear before -because I wanted older men- was that, I was afraid that they're married or have kids. He didn't have a wife or kids. He was clean. He was perfect. He look good, oh he did, he was well off, he's a god-fearing man and his family likes me.
Let me tell you something about me, I am not a that good of a girl. I drink -a lot, I smoke -a lot, I go home late. I was a wreck but still he's there for me. One night, I slept at his apartment, we got drunk and I told him to make love to me. Crazy right? I was a virgin. Where was this coming from? He just looked at me and smiled. He told me that he wouldn't because he respects me. He told me he'd screw me after we get married.
That was when I knew that he was the one for me, he was the one I wanted.
I went off to college. I became a film major. I was doing good because I loved what I'm doing. I graduated. Parents proud. Fiancé proud. I was proud of myself.
I started making mini movies with my friends. I got sponsors to finance my films. It was all working out great.
I received a text from my friend saying that Carl was cheating on me with his co-worker. I remained calm. I called him and told him to have dinner with me. I didn't know what to do. My life was perfect. I had everything.
Dinner. I had dinner with him. I played along. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to punch him in the face. He ruined everything. I couldn't focus.
"So, how's work?" I asked to break the ice.
"Uh-good. Really good." He said. He was calm.
"How good?" I teased.
"What?" He gave me a puzzled look.
"Do you love her?" I said while a tear came down from my eye.
There was a moment of silence. I knew he was cheating.
"Look, honey-" he said and I interrupted.
"How could you do this to me? Why are you doing this? You're the one who told me not to have sex until we get married and now you're having sex with your whore!!!!" I bursted out.
