(DISCONTINUED) New Family

Chapter 28 - I Dont Matter

ATTENTION! This chapter has some graphic content. If you suffer from or are affected by self-harm and suicide, please DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER!! I would rather you skip a chapter than be affected by a stupid book.

Blood. Soo much blood. You never really grasp the concept of how much blood a human body has – that is until you see most it on the floor. Who I am and where I come from doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Not anymore. I'm no-one. If I was to vanish, no-one would notice and no-one would care. At least that's how I feel

My name is Keegan Dolan and this is my story. I'm 16 years old. At the age of 4, my entire world changed. Both my mother and father died in a car accident. I was sitting in the back and escaped with minor injuries. Since that day, I have been bounced around child services. I've gone from foster home to foster home, only staying for a few weeks at most before being sent back to the care home. In the 12 years I've been in care, I've probably had 30 foster families. Non-worked out. If I wasn't in a foster home, I was in a crummy care home. This all sounds terrible, right? Well – you probably guess it, it gets a worse. At the age of 12, I was abused. I was beaten and raped by the only person I once trusted – My care worker. He was a lovely person, well – at least I thought he was. I went to the police and he go sent to jail, but it didn't help with the after math of the event. Since that day, I've never felt safe. Never felt normal or cared for. I've only really stayed in a care home since then. I have one person that I actually trust. That person, is my best friend of 4 years, Elena Tilson. She's my person. We've always been there for each other, no matter what. But, even though I trust her with my life, there are things I haven't told her. Things I haven't told anyone.

I have a dark side. Over the years it affected me, but I've always beaten it. Until now. For the past year, I've been overcome by anxiety and depression. It's changed me, turned me into someone I'm not. I've got scars. I'm not proud of them, but they help take away the pain. Normally when you get injured or cut yourself, it hurts. But for me it's different. It takes away the pain. It makes me feel better.

I started cutting myself when I was 14. But I've been clever about it. I've only ever done in places I can cover them and I've never done them to deep. Until today.

I picked up the knife, and couldn't stop. Sure, it hurt, but I didn't feel it. I felt numb. I took the knife to my wrist and made the cut. Only this time it was deeper. I knew immediately I had made a mistake, but I couldn't change what I had done. I grabbed a towel and tried to stop the blood that was oozing from my wrists. Nothing I tried to stop the bleeding was working. I started to get light headed and dizzy. I look at the pool of blood around me and heard someone frantically banging on the bathroom door, screaming my name – then everything went black.

Dr Will Haltstead's p.o.v:
"Dr Haltstead, incoming!" Maggie shouts to me. I rush over the paramedics.
"This is Keegan Dolan, 16. She was found passed out in the bathroom, in a pool of blood, after self-harming. We've applied pressure dressing to stim the bleeding. B/P is low, sats 98 and heart rate is low at 65." The paramedic says, as we wheel her into the department.
"Maggie?!" I ask, wanting to know what bay to use.
"Bay 6!" She replies, grabbing the end of the trolley. We transfer her over to out bed and the paramedics leave. I help hook her up to all the machines before examining her wrists.
"Okay, I want full bloods. Maggie can you arrange that and call Dr Charles down for an eval?" I ask, placing an oxygen mask on Keegan. She nods and gets to work.
"Keegan, Keegan can you hear me?" I ask, rubbing her sternum, trying to get a response. She doesn't respond so I push more blood.
"Miss...you can't go back there" I hear Maggie say, seconds later a young girl, around Keegan's age, runs into the bay. I stop her and guide her out. I walk her over the waiting room, calming her down as we go.

"Sorry, can I ask who you are?" I ask her, wanting to and needing to know who she is.
"Elena Tilson, I'm Keegan's best friend. Is she going to be alright, tell me she's going to be alright." She says, a single tear rolls down her face. I nod, trying to keep her calm.
"Keegan's lost a lot of blood, she's lucky you found her when you did. You probably saved her life. We're running some tests to check everything out and I've asked our physiocratic doctor to have a work with her. We're giving her some blood, but right now she's stable. I have to ask, has she got a history of this kind of thing. Of mental health issues?" I ask, needing to find out why she did this. She nods her head and takes a deep breath.
"Long story short, she's been in care since she was 4. At the age of 12 she was beaten and raped by her social worker. Ever since then, since I met her those 4 years ago, she's battled with anxiety and depression. She's self-harmed before, but never this bad." She says, trying her best not to cry. I give her a minute before letting her go sit with Keegan.

I fill out some paperwork before going to stitch up Keegan's wrist's whilst she's still unconscious. I make chit chat with her friend, Elena until I finish. After 1 hour I'm finished. I put bandages over the stitches and clean up. I check her vitals once more before leaving the pair alone.
An hour or so later Keegan wakes up. I go to talk to her.
"Hey. I'm Dr Haltstead. How you are feeling Keegan?" I ask, trying to not to scare her. I explain what happened and what is going to happen next. I speak with her a while, before leaving her alone with her friend.

A few hours later, Dr Charles come down to talk to her. After spending some time alone with her, he arranges for her to be admitted for a 72-hour psychiatric hold. I see Elena walk back into Keegan's room, only to walk back out again. She looks over to me, before walking over.
"erm...have you moved Keegan?" She asks, concern evident in her voice.
"No, why?" I asked, becoming worried.
"She's not in her room!" She says, I run to her room. She's not there.
"Maggie! Call security and the police! Keegan's gone" I say, running out of the hospital with Elena. We split up after exchanging numbers, that way if we find anything we can call each other. I run a few blocks before stopping at a bridge. I see someone standing near the edge, I know it's her. I can hear sirens in the distance, I text Elena telling her where we are before slowly walking over to Keegan.

"KEEGAN!" I shout, getting her attention.
"Please don't do this" I say, continuing to slowly move towards her.
She looks back at me, before climbing over the railings. 51 pulls up behind me. I tell them to set up, but to let me talk to her. They agree, whilst hooking me up to a safety line. I walk over to Keegan and stand beside her.
"Why don't we just talk about this yeah?" I ask, trying to gain her trust. She shakes her head tears pouring down her face.
"WHY!" She screams.
"Why do you want to help me! I'm nothing! I'm no-one. Just let me die!" She pleads, looking down at the water.
"You're not no-one Keegan. You're a beautiful, young girl, with her whole life a head of her. We can help you. I can help you Keegan. I know you've had a crappy past, but you shouldn't let your past determine your future!" I say. She looks at me. She looks as if she's deciding whether she can trust me or not.
"Please Keegan! Come down and we can talk" I say, reaching my arm out, to pull her over the railing. She nods. I wrap my arms around her waist, making sure she can't fall. Others come over to help. They unhook me from the rope and Keegan collapses to the floor in tears. I kneel down next to her. She looks up at me before throwing herself at me. I let her cry into my chest as paramedics come to take her back to the hospital. We sedate her and get her into the ambulance. I thank those from 51 before climbing into the back of the ambulance, just before it rushes of to Chicago med.

When we arrive back, she goes straight up to the psychiatric ward. I go to the waiting room and find Elena. She looks up at me.
"She's okay considering. We've sedated her and taken her up to the psychiatric ward. She can finally get the help she needs" I say. Elena sighs with relief. I get a nurse to take Elena to see Keegan.

Today, has been stressful but also a real eye opener. I'm thankful that I found Keegan when I did, or things could've been a lot different.

I've never written anything like this before so please tell me your honest opinions on it – Dharma x