Home

Chapter four

I narrowed my eyes at him and cleared my throat, cause if he stared at me any longer I think I would blush real hard.
He noticed my movements and looked away, "Uhh sorry about that. It's just, you're a really beautiful girl." He smiled making my heart race.

Who ever this guy was, he was good at changing the subject. I would have asked him again but I was afraid he was gonna stare at me again and I had enough of that. I didn't need anymore emotional rush considering I already cried my eyes thirty minutes ago. Speaking of crying, I realized how he changed my mood so much.
If not for him I'd probably still be moping around somewhere or having suicidal thoughts.
Don't get me wrong I am not really a self harm kind of a girl but ever since I lost everything, I didn't really know my purpose here anymore and especially, on this day everything around me triggered to do it.

"You know thats like the third time you zoned out after I met you and it hasn't even been an hour." His voice broke through my thoughts. " Are you always like this? Zoning out every five minutes?" He joked lightly. "Or is it so hard to take your eyes off of me".

I smiled at him appreciating his amazing timing by showing up at the cemetery and now being here with me. Atleast I won't be thinking about dying all day.

" Is it okay for me to ask what you were doing in the cemetery?" I asked him.

I could see the slight change in his expression. "I came to see someone. Visit well". Despite being suspicious about him a few minutes ago, my face softened at that. He could have had a dead relative or someone he cared about there, just like me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you uncomfortable."

"No its alright." He looked up and smiled at me making his eyes disappear.

After that we had an awkward silence for a while.  I was curious why he didn't ask me anything. What I was doing there or how I have a walking disability. But also at the same I was glad he didn't because those were the questions I didn't really like. Maybe he was being a nice person by not pressurizing me.

I was gazing outside from the window watching how the leaves moved in sync with the wind and how the rain bore down mercilessly upon the roads. I was quite aware that I was being watched by the pair of brown eyes sitting right across me but I just chose not to pay attention to it. We stayed like that for a long time enjoying everything around us when he broke the silence. "I am guessing you live around here".
I nodded at him. "Right at the corner".

"Do you live alone?" he asked.

I knew it was a question that wasn't supposed to be answered so honestly but for some reason, I felt like I could trust him. "Yeah I live alone. My neighbor helps me a lot though. You know with things I can't handle alone. Being on a wheelchair all the time isn't the ideal life" I tried to joke.

"what about friends?" He asked curiously.

"Don't have any. Nobody wants to be with someone who sits on a wheelchair." I replied looking down at the table.

"Thats not true." He said. "Everybody has flaws and things they aren't proud of. Maybe you don't have the right friends yet. Doesn't mean you wont find them."

"I didn't say I wouldn't find any" I chuckled lightly. "Just that half of my friends look at me like I'm a creep and the other half thinks I am a burden to them. They don't want other people to see them hanging out with someone like me." The sudden memory of how my friends looked at me and treated by calling me offensive names, flooded my mind and tears started to form. "They look at me like I am some disgusting piece of crap that brings everyone bad luck".

"Leah.. Don't say that. You are no bad luck" He said to me softly and before he could say anything more I snapped after scanning the look on his face. " NO. Don't. Don't you dare look at me like that. Like you pity me." After that I started crying again. All the previous emotions caught up and all the bad memories at school came back as well. "Stop pretending like you know me. YOU don't know anything about me". My voice cracked as I emphasized on how he was nothing but a stranger who pitied me. I gulped as I wiped away my tears and grabbed on to the wheels and propelled myself out of the bakery as fast as I could.

I could hear Jimin calling out for me but I didn't stop. Everything came down to me all at once and I couldn't take it any longer. Specially when this stranger was pretending to know how it felt. Or atleast thats how I felt, what he was thinking.

The rain has completely stopped when I got out, it felt as if it allowed me to leave this place and go home. I was stopped from back. Moments like this I wished I could use my legs the most. I hated not being able to get away from a situation like this. If only my legs were fine, I could just run away and not look back. I could lock myself in my room and never go out again.

"Leah please. I can't leave you like this. I didn't mean it that way. I didn't want to offend you please don't leave like this." Even if my back was facing him I could sense the sadness and sincerity in his voice but I couldn't turn around. Right now all I wanted to do was to go home, shut myself out from the world and forget any of this ever happened.

"Jimin, if you really mean that, just let me go. I don't-" I sighed deeply as I tried myself from not crying. "I can't. Just let me go".
I could feel his grip loosening and I moved as quickly as I could.

As I reached my apartment, I locked down the doors immediately and just broke down,once again, and I knew this wouldn't be the last. Because this was the world I lived in now. Constant heartbreaks and misery. Maybe I was doing this to myself or maybe I am not. But all I knew was, I felt lonely, stupid and embarrassed.

I knew Jimin was only trying to help me and he was just being the nicest person ever. I knew I was being unreasonable. But I just couldn't control my feelings anymore. I get offended easily, I feel paranoid about everyone and everything and I cry all the time. I can't imagine anyone being nice to me and when they are, I brush them off. I felt bad for doing so and now I was crying again.

___________________________

A/N: thanks for reading 🌺