RANDOM BOOK

Uuuggghh

Soo. Hi.
I'm back.
And I'm sad.
Like always.
I'm sobbing.
And crying.
I hurt inside and act ok outside.
It's how it's always been.
And although I can't talk about it.
I somehow feel better writing about it.
I'm weird? Well so is everyone else.
I'm depressed? Well join the world.
...
...
The joy I put on my face. The smile I gave. And the laugh I forced.
The depression I held. The sad look that I left. And the tears that I forced back.
...
That's how life goes for me.
"If your depressed. Well that's just dumb, why would YOU be depressed.
You can't be. There's nothing to be depressed about".
...
The excitement I showed. The anger I faked. The happiness I gave.
How anxious I really act. What a pushover I actually am. And how lonely I seem to be.
...
I have anxiety. "YOU can't possibly have as bad anxiety as me".
"Why be anxious when you can be excited"
"There's no point in being anxious, be optimistic".
...
...

CAN A YOUNG LADY LIKE ME BE DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS,
WITHOUT HAVING SOMEONE TELL ME.
"MARI YOU HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY!".

In the end. I'm far too scared to say anything.
For the fear of someone saying something like that.
I can't share my feelings without being judged.
...
I can't think of a simple doctor appointment as just...
A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT.
I can't start a new school year as a chance at making new friends...
I only see it as.
YAY ANOTHER YEAR OF DISAPPOINTING MY PARENTS.
       YAY ANOTHER SAD LONELY SCHOOL YEAR,
FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT STRESS AND PRESSURE.

IM A SAD LONELY ALIEN WHO CANT DECIDE HOW THEY FEEL.
AND SOMETIMES I FEEL SO DOWN. I FEEL LIKE IM IN A VOID.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WITH MYSELF,
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE DECISIONS,
AND I MOST CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE HUMAN.

or maybe I do...
And that's why I feel soo...
BLUE.