Just the 3am rambling of a sad insomniac

8:23pm

A note to the people who will try to love me.
I'm a mess, and I don't understand other people at all.
When things get too hard I'll run away because I am not a strong person, I am a coward who shields themselves from the pain of the world.
I don't trust easy and I'm deathly afraid of being left behind.
I see life in black and white, the gray area has never existed to me.
I'll try to hurt you and distance myself if things seem to be going too well because I know it's just a matter of time before something goes wrong.
you could say I'm addicted to my own self-destruction
I'm negative, hate strongly and will hold a grudge like a mother holds her new born child, I find the world to be disgusting and horrible and I'm awful at saying how I'm feeling.
 But God, if you give me the chance I can promise you that you will never question my love.
maybe I can't tell you how I feel but damn it, I'll spend the day writing it out for you until you understand.
I might not understand others very well but If you stay I will spend my life observing the wonder and beauty that is you.
I hate strongly and can hold a grudge but I also love passionately and care more about the people in my life than anything on this planet.
And maybe just maybe the world is so bad because you're still here and that counts for something.