I must've broken my eyes, or my brain. It has to be a mirage, what I'm seeing right now. I'm delusional, my eyes clearly deceive me. This isn't real. No, it can't be. I blink, but when I open my eyes again, he's still there. Jesse. I'm crying. He's here, he's really here. He's crying too. I watch him, aghast, as he kneels down beside my bed. Neither of us knows what to say, and I mentally beg God to allow Jesse to speak first.
"Why?" He asks. Jesse, not God. Contrary to popular belief, Jesse is not God. "Why?" He says it again, as if I didn't hear him the first time and he wants to make sure his point gets across. I think that's the only thing he can manage to say, right now.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, not sure of an answer, myself, "I'm so sorry, Jesse, I'm sorry."
"You can't just leave me, Matty. You can't!" He's sobbing now, too. "I can't lose you." I apologize again, but he ignores it. For once, he isn't listening to me. "I never would've known if I hadn't been looking for you when your friend found me."
"It was a shitty thing to do, I know." I reply, sitting myself up completely. "I regret it, I do."
"Matty," he grabs my hand, "don't you dare do this to me, again. You hear me?" I've never seen him like this before. He seems angrily sad. Depressingly terrified.
"I promise you I won't." I tell him. "I swear. Jesse, how'd he find you so easily?"
"I told you, Matty. I was on your street. I was in town." He says. I ask why he was on my street. "I was going to see you." He admits, biting his lip. "I missed you, and I felt bad for not saying goodbye. Dammit, Matty."
"Jesse, can I say something?" I ask.
He nods.
I sit up straight and it comes out confidently, more so than ever. "I love you."
"I love you too." He whispers, then he says it again, louder. Nobody cares anymore. I think Nana's over it. I'm still waiting for Grandpa to come around. Jesse kisses me, softly, as if I'm going to snap into pieces. I might, who knows. Nana looks in and smiles, and I catch George Daniel actually grinning for once in his life. Is he actually happy for me? Surprisingly, when Jesse steps out to find a restroom, Nana admits that he's pretty attractive. I find this funny, so I laugh. She's just glad that I'm happy. When Jess comes back, they all step out in the hall, and I'm alone again. My breathing's a bit off, but other than that, I feel all right. George Daniel leaves, and when Nana and Jesse come back in, Nana dumps a newspaper of words into my ear holes. She's agreed to allow Jesse to stay with me while I'm home from school, at least a week. He's going to get a job, and pay her later. Nana seems it's only fair, since I'm an adult now. She fights tears when she refers to me as an adult. I love my grandmother. Now, I'm only thinking of all the cleaning I must do when I get home, just to make my room presentable enough for another human being to live in there. It's barely good enough for one. Something tells me we'll work something out. I watch Jesse fall asleep; I can't believe I've never noticed how beautiful he is while he sleeps before. However, I'm not surprised. I've said this before, but I'm still biased. He could punch me in the face and sheer a hundred dogs afterward, and I'd still think him as the most gorgeous man in the world.
When morning arrives, I wake up alone. Jesse's gone, and I wonder where he's gone, and even more, I want him to come back. Nurses walk in and out, and each time I hear footsteps, I get excited with hopes that he's come back for me. Then, by the time I hear the fifteenth set of footsteps with no luck, anxiety invites itself in. It feels like it's been a day since I've woken up, but it's only been two hours. Where is he? He's clearly not coming back; if he was, he'd be here by now. Dammit, Nana probably scared him off. Never trust your grandmother. Jesse doesn't like people. Bitch probably thanked him or something. Now I'm crying. Who am I kidding? It was probably me who freaked him out. I'm such a fucking idiot. I probably scared him with the whole love thing. Stupid Matty. Nana comes back to take me home, and I decided to ask her where Jesse is.
