Graduation is one of the most terrifying things an anxious teen could go through. The morning of the big day, I wake up with a horrible stomachache, and I skip breakfast, which saddens Jesse. He hates it when I skip meals. Every time I do, it makes him think I'm going back into my bad eating habits. The ones where my bad eating habit is not eating at all are especially treacherous waters. I hate making him sad, so I try my best to make it seem like I'm doing okay, doing better. All I want is for him to be happy, then I'm satisfied. Something's definitely changed with him. He's a lot more nervous, and soft. He's not hardcore and disturbing like he used to be. He hasn't been sleeping much, I now realize. I want to question it but I'm afraid if I do he'll freak out. He's started his job again, after they courteously let him come back. Perhaps something happened at work that he's not telling me about. During our nightly cigarette, before we go to the ceremony, I ask him about it, and he tells me that something did happen, but I'm not to worry. That's pointless of him to say. The second anyone tells me not to worry about it, I'm going to worry instantly. At the same time, I don't want to pressure him or make anything worse, so I sit in a puddle of my own anxiety for tonight. I'm not ready to graduate. I haven't faced those people since prom, and I'm still embarrassed about that. Luckily, Nana believed the story we told her, about how it was beautiful and perfect, when in reality, it was a disaster. I don't think she'd react well to the fact that I puked on Jesse, which I still feel horrible about. It makes me sick just thinking about it. He did not deserve that. The least I could've done was turned and hurled on someone else, but I didn't, and Jesse received the bad end of the bargain. Poor baby.
"Jesse, I'm worried about you." I whisper, after blowing a few smoke rings. "You've been really odd lately. What happened?"
"Okay, okay. There was a costumer who got a bit touchy with me. It's fine, it's over with." He explains, and I frown. "How touchy?" I ask, "What do you mean by touchy?"
"She grabbed my groin, because I gave her the wrong drink, and squeezed it and then I dropped the tray on her head." He bites his lip. The legs that he once would sit with open wide to the world are currently squeezed shut. I've never seen him do that. "I was fired."
"Jesse, that's horrible." I shake my head in disbelief, "I'm so sorry, babe."
"It's okay, I probably deserved it." He whispers, a few tears falling onto his cheeks. "It was only that girl from your school."
"What?" I exclaim, louder than intended. "Son of a bitch, I'll kill her. And don't you dare say you deserved that. Nobody deserves anything like that, Jess."
"Thanks," he sighs, closing his eyes, "but it's over now, no need to get murderous."
I've only felt this amount of rage all at once two other times, and no more. Too much rage in a body as small as mine can be dangerous for myself and others. That bitch Michelle has gone too far with this grudge. I don't even know what I did to her! But now she's sexually harassing my boyfriend in his workplace, stripping him of his dignity? She needs to be taken out, and soon. The fact that he was fired pisses me off too. He didn't ask her to do that. Why would he? He has me for that stuff. Even so, he's told me before that he doesn't like when people grab him there with force. He's a delicate baby, and needs to be treated tenderly. When I first met him, I never would have guessed that. I think his delicateness is adorable, and he thinks my everything's cute, so it works out just fine. He's really cleaned himself up, and he's nowhere near as hardcore as he used to be. I know he wants me to calm down about this, but Michelle has taken a confident man and made him feel unsafe in his own body, and she will not get away with that. Nobody hurts Jesse. Nobody. He doesn't deserve that, at all. He deserves hugs and kisses and holy shit what have I become? Being around him has made me more dominant, and him more submissive. Fuck. The cigarette's gone, and it becomes time for me to get ready and leave for graduation. I'm nervous as all hell, but Jesse promises he'll be waiting for me in the hall the second the ceremony ends so he can hug me. This makes me smile.
