Feminine Wreck

Chapter 2 - Pain

A/N: ~

           Sorry for the midget chapter, I couldn't really get into this part.. I promise the next one will be bigger - I will try not to let you guys down again(: any votes and/or comments will be widely appreciated*: ~ Pyro.-.

I step up to the Window, my wrists still sore from their punishment earlier. Outside stood Riley and two other teenagers (who were holding hands). I wanted to ignore them, let the fear dissappear but now they'd seen me, and Riley had the evil smirk I knew oh too well on his face. Tears stung my eyes even after just seeing him - I couldn't deal with this right Now! I grimace, but pluck up the courage to open the Window and ask "what do you Want!?".

Riley looked up, well except for it wasn't Riley. And the malicious grin that I had invisioned on his face had been replaced by a half hearted smile. The couple holding hands both beckoned me to go out there with them, but I shake my head - what if they're just more Bullies? I ignore the brown haired one's pleading green eyes, I couldn't handle anymore violence today.

Before any more could be said I slide my curtains shut and leap into my bed, picking up the bloodied razor that had been used just a few minutes earlier. I slice a few more welcoming lines into my skin before forcing myself to stop and take a shower.

I scrub my fresh scars and allow the burning hot water to absorb into the slits in my skin. The blood drips away, leaving only red lines littering my arm. I wash my golden blonde hair and watch as the soap trickles down my curvy body.

Yes, I'm fat.

Not mega obese, but just extremely fat. It's one of the things people used to use against me or just use to get me to do something - because they knew that it was my weakness. Everybody has insecurities, Right?

I take a plain towel and wrap it around me whilst examining my cleaned cuts. I can't believe my mom hasn't seen these already as there was probably over twenty on my left wrist Alone!

Once dried, I slip on a pair of superman pajamas and drift off into a restless sleep.

♥♥♡♡★★♡♡♥♥

I'm awoken by a common magpie sat on my windowsill. Only one. Superstitious people will understand...

At least today was the weekend - one of the two bully free days. Well, that is if you don't consider my own mind as a bully (which I do).

I'm constantly fighting myself, my mind gives me thoughts that are unsettling to most but just everyday occurrences to me.

"You fat bastard"

"You killjoy"

"You useless, worthless piece of junk"

"You don't deserve to be here.."

Not even the 'bullies' bully me so much.

It's terrifying, isn't it, to think that someone can hate them self more than anyone else hates them, and only sees the negative side of themselves? That is my life.

I sit up and look into the small mirror on my bedside table. The blonde mop that covered my face was mangled and messy, but I didn't care. Lifting myself out of my duvet cocoon, I catch a glimpse of the small digital clock that read 12:28pm in bright blue lettering. Not bad, not my worst.

Dragging my feet out from under the covers I take a long yawn and stretch every part of my disgusting body possible.

I hear my mom yelling something as I stumble carelessly down the narrow carpeted stairs, the salty smell of bacon flowing through my nose.

"Shit" I mutter, catching my toe on the corner of one of the small cardboard boxes at the bottom of the stairs.

Looking inside, I see books and a couple of football trophies - my dad's stuff?

I press my ear firmly against the door into the living room, and hear two voices. Two arguing voices.

Not thinking, I barge straight in and run into my dad's arms, peppering him with little mock kisses. "I haven't seen you for ages," I finally say when he lets go, "what took you so long!?"

He looks me straight in the eye before replying with a short "sorry baby.."

My father was a soldier, and a fucking good one at that! He always promised when he was home that he would never go out again, but that was always short lived when he was summoned by the commanding officer to fight again. He worked on the front line - me and my mother were absolutely terrified for him. I never really saw him much, he was always working.

And yet, here they were, arguing.

"What's appatainin'" I ask sleepily in my best Cockney accent, receiving a disapproving stare from my mother.

My dad shakes his head, "nothing sweetie, I just came to see you!"

I take a disbelieving sigh before leaping onto the couch and switching on the small plasma screen TV. I was about to change the channel when I hear a familiar name being blurted out by one one of the news reporter's gobby mouths.

"Yesterday, a girl named Jamie Watts was severely injured after a drunk driver smashed into her house at 5:00pm." I open my mouth in disbelief, my best friend! My... only friend..The news reporter carries on, "There were thought to have been six people inside the house at the time, but thankfully nobody else got hurt."

"THANKFULLY MY ASS" I scream and storm out of the living room and back upstairs where I find my phone. Two missed calls, Shit.

Just as I was about to see who the number was, I got a call from Jamie's mobile, and I immediately answered without a second of pause.

"Hello?" I ask instantly.

A crackling sound came from speaker, but then the words of a lady started to push through "hello? This is Alex Summers?"

"Yes!" I reply quickly.

"I have been told to inform you about Jamie's passing..."

"Passing!?" I yell down the phone, "Jamie isn't dead!!!?"

"I'm sorry" she states, then the familiar tone rings into my ear, they had hung up.

I sit in silence for a moment. No music, no activities, I just sat there and stared at the ceiling above me.

Minutes turned into hours and the next thing I know I am waking up from a deep, undisturbed sleep at 3am in the morning. There were tear stains trailing down my cheeks, and my eyes were swollen and red from crying, there was nothing left to cry with.

Feeling dehydrated I stare at my phone as it buzzes with a ring from some person or other who's contact name I didn't care to read.

My eyes suddenly flicker to the small wooden box tucked inside the fist-sized hole on the left side of my wall. Being unable to contain myself I stumble towards it, and find the most appealing sight I had seen in a while.

My beautiful, beautiful blades.

\(o3o)/

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