Letters to Anybody

Letter 1

Dear whoever,

I don't really know what I am doing.

I do know actually. I'm getting things off my chest.

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Maybe I'm just as useless and retarded as everyone says.

Do you know what sadness feels like becuase for me it is what I wake up to and what I fall asleep with everyday.

A gut wrenching feeling.

Sometimes I do stupid things out of attention.

But that's stupid. I'm stupid.

I'm a fucking idiot.

That's why I don't talk that much anymore.

That's why nothing really changes my mind.

I'm stubborn.

I used think that was a good thing but god no, its not.

That's why I'm awake past 1am staring at my ceiling,

That's why I wake up multiple times during ths night.

I joke saying that I don't need sleep, that I'm fine, but I'm not.

You see the 5SOS and Dodie are the only thing keeping me from cutting.

They have been through pain.

They don't want us to go through it.

I've never done it before, but I'm tempted.

I picked up a razor for the first time today.

I didn't do anything.

I pressed it on my arm but I didn't cut.

I don't fucking know why I didn't.

I deserve it.

A hopeless fucking idiot.

- M

"How we gonna undo all the pain? Tell me is it even worth it?"