Our life! A bts story

67

Jimin
"You'll see!!" Kim said in the front seat.
"Please tell us!" V shouted. We've been trying to get the secret out of Kim for ages. He said he was taking us somewhere and it was a surprise. I hate surprises. They scare me.
"Here we are! It's to celebrate us getting the house!" He said after a few minutes of driving. I look to my right and see a fair. I'm nervous and scared but it should be fun! We're packing for the move as it's been two days since we went to look around. I haven't packed anything from my room. Me and v have just been chatting the entire time we were supposed to be packing. It's amazing speaking to him. I'm back up on my feet again not that emotional anymore. Feels weird that I had just been in bed crying all day. I had to get in my feet again for the others. I knew I made V upset so I managed to push myself.

We went around the stalls and got Cotten candy and won some games. I could see Suga looking up at the Ferris wheel the entire time. I could tell he wanted to go on it but wasn't sure about asking. The day was coming to an end so I decided to ask.
"Hey can we go on the huge Ferris wheel?" I asked nervously as I do not like heights. Absolutely terrified, I just wanted to be a good friend. Suga looked up at me with hopeful eyes.
"I'm not going on that!" V said looking at the huge wheel.
"Yeah, me neither!" Say Jin and Kim. Jung and jisu then says they don't want to but everyone else was up to it. So me, Suga, Jeon and ash walk up to the payment area and I give the man some coins.
"Can you go on with me?" Suga whispers in my ear. I guess he's scared too. I'm surprised cuz he's never asked for anything.
"Sure." I smile. Ash gets on with Jeon and they're off. There were two others before us so we waited.
We got on and it was really slow. I closed my eyes a bit but then Suga squeezed my hand. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling. I smiled knowing he's happy and then look out.
Oh god it's high. I gulp.
"This is fun!" He says happily. We're at the top and it feels like it's going on forever. I look at Suga. His smile has gone and is looking down at the man. I look down too, still terrified. He's looking at a machine.
"What's happening." I say. My breaths getting shorter and shorter.
"I dont know I think it's stuck!" Suga says. He seems terrified too.
"Oh my god!" I say getting more and more scared of the thought that anything could happen now. I need to see Jeon and ash. That'll make me feel safe.
"Where's Jeon and ash." I ask. I couldn't see them. They're gone. Suga leans over the edge.
"There." He points. I lean over still terrified and more scared by the view. I see ash and Jeon there. I breath deeply as I see ash waving. I wave back but I hear a click. Crud.

Suga
He's over the edge. What do I do! this is my fault. I let him lean over. Screams are filling the air. I look and see him holding on for dear life.
"HELP PLEASE HELP ME!" He's screaming. Oooohhh god. What do I do!? I have to help him up but I can't. I'm not strong enough.
"SUGA HELP PLEASE!" He's screaming at me. I dont know what to do.
"UH, DONT LOOK DOWn!" I yell at him. I can see he's crying a lot now. People are gathering underneath him. He'll fall. I know he will. And it's all my fault. We both leant over. I leant too far and so did he. Something in the gate broke. It couldn't take out weight. I can't stay any where without hurting someone. I can see him trying to reach for something. I notice the bar on the Ferris wheel. I take off my jacket as I don't need it and hang it over the bar.
"DONT BE SCARED." I yell. He holds onto the jacket.
"Slide into the middle. You can do it." I say calmly. I see him hesitate but hold onto it tighter. It's either a very strong leather jacket or he's really light but he slid to the middle of the wheel where a platform was. There was a ladder out there by a member of staff and he climbed down.
The view in the air was suddenly moving higher and I realise the wheel was working again. I get to the bottom and get off. My legs still shaking from what just happened. I noticed Jimin hugging V. Ash and Kim ran to me.
"No! Don't come to me." I blurted out. They can't come near.
"I-I-i don't want to hurt you." Kim looked confused. I raised my hands in front of my face as if to say "back off." They shrugged and walked over to jimin. I just stood there awkwardly.
"Lets go home." Jin says and we all climb into the car. I sit on my own at the back and stare out and the window.
He could have died because of me.
I could only think that it was all my fault.
He could have...died. Actually... died! And.. it's my fault.

At home, I've packed everything expect one box. We've sold our house to the market so they'll find someone but that's not important. They'll sort it.

I walk in and chuck my phone onto the bed. Tears forming in my eyes quicker than ever. Ok ash can't stay in my room. Not for now. I wipe my eyes as I hear him coming in. I sit down on the bed and talk to him.
"Why!? I want to stay here with you!" He shouts at me. I told him that he needs to go into another room. I didn't say anything else. I just said that i need to be by myself. I hoped he understood but obviously not.
"Ash-"
"No tell me! Why? You just wanna get rid of me? Is that it?" God he's making me feel worse about myself.
"Ash no!" I begin.
"I bet this is why you want me to have my own room. I thought you're supposed to take me. I bet you're just going to get rid of me. Make me go to one of them care homes or-" that's the bottom of the line. I stand up. Anger flows through me.
"THATS IT. Why would I do that!? It's a bad place to be. The worst for any kid your age. It's horrible there. A year of plain bullying and sleepless nights  there then you'll see. You wanna know why I don't want you in my room anymore!? It's because.." I hesitate for a light second.
"IS BECAUSE IM AFRAID. ok? I'm afraid." I lower my voice and sit down. I can't believe I blurted that out. I groan and put my head in my hands.
"Suga I didn't know you used to.."
"Of course you didn't. I didn't tell anybody. Those days are... are behind. And not to be spoken of." I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I felt him sit down on the end of the bed.
"Was it that bad.." he asked quietly. I made a 'mmhmm' as if to say yes.
"Maybe it was just that one place." He asked.
"Let's not get into it." I don't want to talk about them days. They're nightmares, I'm terrified of thinking about them.
"Ok, um, you said you were afraid. Do you want to talk about it?" The words rang in my head.

You said you were afraid.

Do you want to talk about it.

How many times I heard that in therapy. In fact this feels like the sessions we had. I would lie on a sofa. The therapist would sit down by my feet. Once in a while mum came with me. Siting opposite me. Whilst another lady would sit in the corner. Watching us and taking notes. I hated it.
I sat up and stared at him. How could he say that!?
"Why would you say that. How could you say that!?" Anger bubbling inside me. How!? The tears forming in my eyes trickling down my cheeks. All I could think about is mum. How I ignored her. How I hated her. I used to shout at her. I'd see empty pill bottles and more and more everyday. I'd used to scream at her. But I don't anymore. I wish I could turn back what happened. I wish I could have respected her more. I wish I could have spoken to her before she... died.
"Suga I-"
"GET OUT!" I scream. Louder than ever.
"GET AWAY FROM ME. LEAVE NOW!" Stress going through my body like a snake.
"AH!" I scream. He gets up and leaves instantly. He looked scared.
See!? This is what I do to people! I scare them. And then hurt them.
I don't bother with the door. I scratch the back of my head. Oh god. Now he knows. Crud.
"Yoongi what was that all about." Jimin came running into the room. I hold my hands up telling him to go away.
"No no no no no no no don't come near me. I don't want to hurt you." God why do I keep blurring stuff out.
"Yoongi.."
"No! Get away. I almost killed you." SHUT UP ME. he's going to think I'm insane. Maybe I am, I'm afraid of myself. Is that insane?