still have "look what you made me do" on repeat whoops
Michael's POV
When Arzaylea had been yelling at me that she knew - even if I didn't believe it myself - that I was gay, I started to admit it to myself. It's as if I needed someone to tell me that they knew before I started to believe it myself. Sure, maybe it could've been someone else, but nobody else knew. I knew, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.
But that doesn't mean I forgive her - oh, fuck no, I'll never get over her constant insults and shaming. Hell no. She's threatened to expose me on her social platforms for the past five days, although she hasn't followed through. Yet. It's gonna take the world by storm soon, though, considering how she showed me exactly what she was about to post on Instagram - basically a paragraph of what we'd said to each other in her hotel room.
That means either the fans hear it from her, or I have to tell them all myself before she does. Either way, the result will be about the same; support or hate from everyone who knows about us. Fandom drama, media drama, and not to mention how my family will react - mum and dad have never been involved, per say, but I know they both check my social media pretty often, along with my old friends, back in Australia. It's just a big deal in general, honestly.
But I don't want to have the world hear it from Arzaylea's negative, twisted perspective, so I think I'll do it myself, right before the North American leg of the tour. Maybe even tonight, right before the show.
And when I was trying to figure out how to tell Luke that I was gay in the bathroom, I took a long ass time to think it over. Would he react badly? Probably not. Would he figure out I had feelings for him right then and there? Maybe. That's what made me stop and think as long as I did.
With tonight being the last show in Europe before our two-week break, I decided to bleach my hair back to a honey-like blonde, and honestly, I really like the colour. I think I'll keep it for the rest of tour.
~
With two hours before the show and sound check finished, I wander off. I've been doing that a lot - wandering off hours before shows or sound checks and not coming back until just before they start. The boys are a little frustrated with me, but lately, I really need to have some space - from everyone.
I make sure to bring my phone with me and find a quiet place to hide away in - outside, on top of our van. A few strangers walk by every now and again, giving me strange looks as I sit on the roof of the van we rode over here in.
I stare down the streets, lined with closed shops and large apartment buildings, only to be interrupted by the door behind me opening.
I turn around and see Ashton looking at me as if I was crazy. I shrug and wave him up. He gives me a sceptical look, but clambers his way up anyway.
"Thinking?" He asks once he settles on my left.
"Planning, actually." I say.
"Planning to take over Papa Johns pizza and get free pizza for life?"
I smile. "So far I've got the murder of Papa and my loan from the bank solid, now I need to figure out how to get the pizza recipe less greasy." Ashton giggles at my sarcasm, only to sigh afterwards. "I'm planning how to come out to the fans. Arzaylea will if I don't, and she's gonna do it soon. She literally has a draft on her phone to post on Instagram," I say.
