Relax/Divide

[21] Love Stuck

((Oleander POV))

After the events unfolded with Don and Vincent, Vince immediately fell asleep on the couch when we got home. It would make sense after the rough day he's had.

I sat next to Vince, watching him snore quietly and snuggling a small pillow.

I found it endearing that he got jealous over Don and I getting close. It made me feel... Wanted, I guess.

I reached out to his head. He shuffles and I pull my hand back a bit, thinking he might wake up but he didn't. I then put my hand on his head and run my fingers through his hair.

He was so peaceful.

"I'm just scared. Scared that... You'll see me as some boring or even a scary person not worthy of..."

Despite how calm he looks, I'm sure there's a lot of complex emotions inside of him that he hides away.

"Of what, Vincent?"

I wonder if he'll ever share more of those with me.

"Of... You.

Because I would love to know more of Vincent. Just as much as he wants to know more about me.

I rub my thumb on his cheek, his face was soft. Warm.

As much as I want to...

My heart still doesn't beat as strongly for him as it does for Aeron.

I don't understand... I thought that I would feel otherwise, especially with how Aeron's been with me but I can't.

I... Love having Vincent in my life. I could never let him go.

But I still want... Aeron.

I pull my hand away and reach for my phone, turning it on and opening instagram. I scroll down a couple of posts and see Aeron had posted a new image. It was of his guitar, a bit blurry.

Under the post he typed, "This place might not be the same one that I know so well."

My chest felt tight, anxious all of a sudden.

It hurt. I feel like I lost something. Empty.

I should... Unfollow but...

I don't want to.

I wanted to put a comment, or text him even, but I felt afraid.

I clicked on his username and went to his account. All pictures of us had been deleted and it was only filled with him on stage or playing his music, with some selfies on the side.

However, there was another picture he posted before the most recent one. It was of our- I mean his bed. I pressed it and the caption said, "Evident that our memories always carry on."

What did he mean by that?

I gripped my head, leaning on my knee while staring at the phone.

This isn't good for me, I have to quit looking at his social media.

I say as I scroll down and come across a selfie of his-

That fucking face.

I can't say I don't love him still.

I can't...

The bright eyes of him, the lips I used to yearn for every morning...

His hands, his hair, his piercings.

Why... Why did I go upstairs?

We would of stayed together if I just...

If I just...

I feel my face getting warm, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I rubbed my eyes to stop myself from crying but I couldn't stop.

This is all my fault.

Why can't I just get over him already? I'm so sick of remembering the old memories and shit.

I just want to move on but...

How do you move on when you still love someone so much?

I look at my wrist, full of scars and cuts I've made all because of Aeron.

It wasn't love... It wasn't healthy...

But the things I would do to have him back in my life...

I feel a hand grab my wrist carefully, it was Vincent. He sat up from the couch and pulled me in for a hug.

I thought he was sleeping...

"V-Vince..."
"Don't you think you should get some rest?" He says to me while looking at me straight into my eyes while pulling my phone from my hand and turning it off.

I stayed silent for a moment, kinda surprised at how smooth Vincent was being, which is so unlike him.

I stammered, "Y-Yeah but... I can't sleep. I don't really want to."

"Talk to me."

I sighed, I didn't want to bring up Aeron again or worry Vincent anymore than I have today.

He continued, "Please, Oleander. I want to hear your thoughts."

I lay my head on his chest, "I just... Still feel off. I miss him... I'm sorry."

Vincent's head moved a bit, he didn't say a word. I wonder what was on his mind...

I kept going, "I just can't help but think about the good times we had and shared. How we used to be so in love. Happy. I dream of him constantly, we're always making up in the dreams but it always feels so empty. I wonder if that means... Anything?"

Vince took a look at my wrist, "Maybe it's your brain slowly moving on?"
"I don't feel like I've made any progress doing that. I still feel... The same."

He rubs his thumb through my cuts, they sting slightly.

I mumbled, "I'm sorry if I keep bringing him up. I don't know if it bothers you but..."

"It's fine. It's difficult for you and I understand. I won't ever make you feel terrible for feeling a certain way towards someone."

My eyes shifted, Vince always knows the right things to say to me. It makes it even harder to not fall for him...

I feel so conflicted.

I should be with someone who respects me and loves me, and not with someone who'll take advantage of me but...

Ugh.

I wish my brain would shut the hell up.

Vincent lays his head on me, I hear a small snore. I tugged at his shirt but no response.

Did he really just fall asleep on me?

I chuckled a bit but snuggle up against his body, only focusing on his quiet snores.

My eyes close, feeling a bit tired out.

I feel Vincent's heartbeat, slow and steady. It helped calm me...

My hand grips his, keeping his arms around me.

As much as I miss the old times of Aeron and I...

I know I can make the same memories with Vincent.
New, better, and happier ones.

I just hope I don't ruin this like I did the last...