Relax/Divide

[23] The 'Fun' in Dysfunctional

After going to a few stores, we all felt pretty hungry, so we decided to head up to the food court. Vincent got himself a hotdog while Susan and I both got noodles. We placed our fuck load of bags on the ground and enjoyed our delicious lunch.

Vincent watches us and sets down his food, "Susan, why don't you ever get the more fancier foods and all? I mean... You have the money. Sorry, it's a dumb question."
Susan slurps her noodles and takes a moment to speak, "'Cuz I fuckin' love junk food. I mean don't get me wrong I'll treat myself to some like expensive ass food but like... With fast food I get more for less plus it's good. I'm a sucker for trash because I am trash is my reason."

I chuckle, "Susan's never really been the one for sticking with all the fancy stuff, Vince."

Susan nods, "Yea, I mean it's great that I'm loaded with a fuckton of money, but I'd much rather spend it on those who aren't as fortunate. I mean what am I gonna do with all of it if I got everything I want? Which is why I'm Oleander's sugar daddy."

She puts her arm around me and smirks.

Vincent smiles, "That's cool of you to do. Most people are so stingy with money nowadays. I usually just deal with what I got."

Susan pulls her arm away and picks up her fork, "Well times are difficult, so I suppose you can't blame them, but I try to help in any way I can. Besides, my dad doesn't care what I do as long as I don't die really.

I scoff, "We've almost died so many times and he hasn't said a thing."

Susan shushes me, "Bitch, it's 'cuz I haven't told him. You think I wanna tell him we drove into a damn shooting once and have him get all paranoid?"

"Ah hah, right..." I slouch.

Vincent shakes his head in bewilderment, "You guys drove into a shooting? How???"

Susan scratches her head, "Uh... Funny story..."

"It was years ago." I stated.

She continued, "Yeah. We were drunk and I was wondering how the hell to get to Daddy Jim's' at like 3 in the damn morning."
I held my fork in front of me, "It wasn't even open at that time."

"But we thought it was 9 pm so we didn't know that. Anyways, as I'm driving, Oleander over here was singing 'We are the Champions' and giggling like a madman while I was just figuring out the freakin' directions."

"It was on the radio and it's like my jam, man."

"Pfft, then the window on Ollie's side fuckin' shatters and next thing I know we're hearing gunshots while this fuckin' song is playing and Oleander is just oblivious to the fact that we were in a shooting-"

Vincent's mouth was just open in shock as I interrupted Susan, "I thought I shattered the window with my singing and found it to be the most hilarious thing."

She continues, "Next thing I know the fuckin' tires are busted and I'm dragging Ollie's drunk ass out the damn car and we hear these guys just so angry and I was just really confused the entire time."

I kept going, "And while Susan was pulling me out the car, my pants got stuck and were falling and no way in hell was I gonna walk in my underwear so I pulled away from Susan-"
"And just as he pulled away, a bullet hit so close to his face I thought he fuckin' died-"
"Luckily I moved in time before it hit me and all I said as Susan was staring at me in shock, 'Dude, I'm so fuckin' high right now it's like a shooting's going on-"
Susan put down her noodles, "And I said, 'BITCH NO KIDDING THERE'S A SHOOTING GOING ON, GET OUT THE DAMN CAR!' and I fuckin' yanked his ass out and we crouched down trying to shield ourselves."