Writing to You

Chapter 4

Noah

This was a private letter. PRIVATE. You had no right to read it. Let alone RESPOND to it. I don't think you could ever begin to understand me. Or what I've lost. 

I read her words, and my shoulders instantly sag. I don't know why. It's not like I was expecting anything. In fact, I'd completely forgotten about it. Sometimes I help Barry clean up anything that people have left behind. He always tells me I don't have to and I always tell him that I'll forever owe him for what he did last Spring. He fought off a bunch of low-lives who were graffiti-ing mum's grave. He copped a broken arm for it but he still cleaned off the graffiti from the headstone.

And it's true. I do, I owe him for that. But that's not the reason. The reason I help him is so I can visit the cemetery and not have to visit mum's grave but not feel guilty for staying away either.

I just hate seeing his grave next to hers. Like he belongs there or something. Like he didn't hit her every night and then 'make up' for it with a fancy dinner whenever he won money from gambling. Like he wasn't the one that took the light from her eyes the night he married her and she realised that he wasn't quite what he made out to be.

Anyway, I'll be late for school if I don't leave soon. Honestly, I couldn't care less if I miss the first period but Alex would kill me. 

"Alright, Barry, I'd better go! Sorry, I didn't spend long today!"

"No worries, Hunter, I'll see you when I see you."

I don't know why he calls me by my last name, but he's done it since...forever.

I give him a wave and walk over to the bin to throw away the bunch of dead flowers I've collected on my rounds today.

Then I remember the letter in my hand.

And I start writing.

*******************************

The bell goes for lunch and Alex and I walk out of the classroom, falling into step with each other.

"Man, you look like you haven't slept in days," Alex says, staring at me out of the side of his eye. 

"Probably because I haven't," I reply.

"Duuuuude, get some sleep."

I give him a 'seriously?' look. He knows as soon as I fall asleep I'm held captive to dreams that encase me with guilt, with heavy memories of my mum. 

"Nah, c'mon. I'm SERIOUS Noah. I'm worried about you. It's been over a year. And you know I'm always here for you if you need me. But you gotta let me, N. Let me. "

I give him a smile. He's been my best friend ever since he moved in the street behind my house, and he's been through his fair share of rough times too, but never has his support for me wavered. He's the strongest guy I know. I almost tear up, and then remember that we're in high school. Where, of course, a male must NEVER cry, for fear of getting his head SHOVED DOWN A TOILET. To hell with stereotypes; I let a tear drop. 

He throws his arm around my shoulder and gives me a whack on the back, and we continue walking towards the field. 

I throw my bag down on the grass and sit on the burning seat. Alex pulls out his lunch-our lunch-and we start eating. His mum always packs plenty extra so I can have some. They know that neither my dad nor my step-mum would even think about making sure I have enough food to survive. 

"Take off your hoodie, it's freaking boiling out here."

"No. I'm okay." I avoid Alex's eyes.

I prefer to stay hidden.

**Ok, I think this was the crappiest chapter yet, and the other three were already pretty crap. I'm pretty bad at dialogue. Tell me what you thought in the comments! Over and out. (yep, still doing that)**

P.S. Sorry the last two chapters were so short!