Writing to You

Chapter 5

Ella

Okay, so maybe I don't know WHAT you've lost, but I can feel your sorrow seeping through your words. That very first letter of yours that I read, well, it almost made me cry. I don't know you, your life story, or anything like that. But I do know what you're FEELING. Hell, I wish I didn't. 

I know that sometimes, you wish you could just give up. 

I know that sometimes, you forget other people are there for you just because the one person you really want isn't.

I know that sometimes, you think everything is your fault.

I know that sometimes, it feels as if you're all alone in this big bad world and no one will ever be able to save you.

I know that sometimes, it feels as though the grief will never end.

And I know that ALL the time, you're wishing, wishing, wishing that the person you're missing could be found again. No matter the sacrifice. 

I'm sorry that I read your letter. It WAS private. I shouldn't have written back. 

But the alternative was to scrunch it up and throw it in the bin.

And I think that the words in your letter held so much weight they would've broken the bin. And it would've broken my HEART to throw something so tragically beautiful in the bin. 

But let me ask you this. Did you ever think that maybe my words weren't meant for anyone else's eyes either?

Oh.

Woah.

I'm sitting in the hall, waiting for assembly to start, Lily by my side, and it feels as though I'm holding an atomic bomb that's on a timer. The sincerity of his words seep through the paper, and I feel something incredibly intense roll around in my stomach. I don't even know this boy, yet with this letter he's.....well, I think he's ignited a small flame in my heart. Just enough to keep me warm. My eyes are already filling up. But I can't let them because it would just create a scene. I know how everyone at this school sees me. 

The girl with the dead mum.

Nothing more, nothing less. The girl who is still struggling to do anything normal.

But it's too late. The letter is too much. The tears spill over the rim of my eyes and drop onto the paper. One after the other. I frantically wipe the paper dry. I can't let anything ruin it. 

"Ella....Ella? ELLA!" Lily's shouting and everyone is looking. 

But her voice seems distant. Far away. Unimportant. 

I abruptly get up from my chair and start making my way out of the row of students and towards the hall door. 

"Ella, are you okay?" Lily's voice is getting fainter and fainter, and I'm running, running, running.

Until I reach the girl's bathroom. 

Thankfully, there's no one else here.

I rest my elbows on edge of the sink and stare at myself in the mirror, panting. 

And this is what I see. 

A tired, worn out girl. Messy hair, no makeup. Lines in her face that don't belong there. The kind of lines that don't come with age. No, no. This girl is young. These lines are the kind that come with despair. Her eyebrows are furrowed, searching for something in her eyes. Something. Anything.  A sliver of hope, maybe. A little bit of light. But no. She searches, searches, searches. And emptiness. Only emptiness. 

But wait.

Her eyes run down her figure until they reach her hands. There is a crumpled letter clutched tightly in her clammy palm. A letter that holds words that make her want to cry out with joy but break down with tears all at the very same time. She's holding a lifeline. A lifeline that was thrown to her at the very last moment. 

She stares down at the letter, embedding the words into her eyes, her brain, her heart and her soul.

Somebody understands her.

They understand. 

It's been so long since someone made her heart feel like this. Alive and beating.

So long since someone made her feel like she wasn't a ghost.

Then the girl pulls a pen out. And she starts writing. 

And as she does, tears still streaming down her cheeks, a grin spreads across her face. 

The girl doesn't check her reflection again. She's too busy writing. But if she did, she would see a light in her eyes. A light so bright it could split through the darkness. 

**Ok, guys, what did you think of this chapter? There was some pretty heavy stuff. I'll call it a 'D&M Chapter'-Deep and Meaningful. Yes, with capital letters. What will happen next? What will Ella write? To be honest, I don't really know myself, but that's okay, no one has to know. Oops, I just told you. Secret's out, I guess; I have no idea what I'm doing. ANYWAY, as always, give me any suggestions, comments, or advice down below in the comments. Over and out. **