fix you; g.d

o n e

note: i know i'd already written a few chapters of this book but i decided to unpublish them and start this book over completely; i just didn't like where it was going last time, sorry.

grayson's pov

my eyes scanned through the letter. it was getting harder not to cry every word i read.

dear gray,

before i say what i really wanted to tell you, just know that you mean the world to me and i'm so sorry for everything. i'm going to do something that in your eyes may seem very absurd and idiotic. it probably is, but i have to do it, i can't take it anymore, i don't want to live any longer.

i'm extremely sorry for what i put you through these last few months. there are still things i haven't told you or anyone, really.

don't try to stop me because my mind has been made up since the day mom left.

i love you,

austin.

i slam my locker shut, the note still being held in my hand. i run through the halls of school not caring how crazy i must appear to other people.

she isn't here.

my instincts tell me to find her as soon as i can; i run outside, it quiet, disturbingly quiet; eyeing the parking lot careful not to miss her car, i start to lose hope that she's still here.

my eyes turn to the rusty black jeep parked next to the exit. i snatch my key chain out of my front pocket and frantically look for the car key. thoughts of her lying on her death bed flood my brain as i try not to crash into anything on my way to her house.

"hope, grayson, always have hope." i thought to myself in her voice. this is what she told me when my dad was dying. what she told me when i felt my whole world was collapsing. it's what'd she told me yesterday.

i felt my eyes light up when i pulled up to her house and saw her car parked in the driveway. i jumped out of my jeep, not bothering to close the door behind me.

"under the pile of stones." she said through the phone

"i still don't understand why you can't just put it under your doormat."

"i'm not basic." she whispered. i chuckled at the response and scattered the stones trying to find the reserve key.

"you're gonna wake my parents up, dumbass." i couldn't help but laugh lightly at that too.

my eyes went to the fake rocks near the entrance of her home and my heart almost skipped a beat when i dug out the key from under them. i desperately opened the door and ran up to her room, practically breaking the door open.

one year ago

austin's pov

i opened the front door of the house and immediately recognized the smell of my mom's infamous red velvet cake. "how was school?" i heard her say all the way from the kitchen. "nothing special." i replied simply, making my way over to where she was. "how's pretty boy?" she continued questioning me as she moved the cake from the oven to the counter.

"i don't know... or care." i said reaching over to grab a slice. she slapped my hand and before i could react she laughed. "of course you don't, honey." i reached over to the cake again once she'd turn around. "and don't touch my cake." she finished. "how'd yo-" i was interrupted by her speaking again. "i'm your mother, i know." she giggled. i crossed my arms "well then you should know better than to put cake in front of me." we both laughed and i headed upstairs, to my room.

i felt a rush of happiness overcome me when i saw how tidy my room was, my mom must've cleaned it when i was away. i plopped onto the bed, totally destroying how neat it was before and pulled my laptop closer to me.

"izombie, revolution, the walking dead" all shows i'd watched before. i scrolled through my netflix page until i found criminal minds, haven't finished that one yet, i guess i'll just watch that. just before i was able to click the "continue playing" button, my phone screen lit up from beside me. it's grayson, or pretty boy as my mom calls him.

guy from the assignment: Hey austin

me: what's up

guy from assignment: Nothing much, was wondering if you wanna come hang out w me and E?

me: we finished the project last week??

guy from assignment: Yeah, i know

guy from assignment: So are you down?

me: yeah, ok

guy from assignment: Cool, my place at 8?

me: alrightyy

"austin, are you in your room again?" i hear maya from the hallway.

"yes may, i'm here." i yell back, she opens the door and the look on her face tells me enough. she examined my features.

"ever heard of makeup?" she asks rhetorically, looking down at the purple bags under my eyes.

"ever heard of shut your fucking mouth?" i spit back. she rolls her eyes in response and leaves, not bothering to close the door. did she really just come in here to insult me? i sigh, thinking about the times we'd been best friends. inseparable.