I thought

3

When I excused myself and planned on moving on. I thought it was just easy like how you did. Akala ko yung plano kong pagpapahangin eh makakagising. Jusme! Inantok ako kaya ito, nakastuck pa sayo. Char.

Pero seryoso na. I'm not that much bitter na. I can take seeing couples without thinking that there's no forever. Pero wala naman talaga. Like duh! We're mortals 😂

Pero I can't help thinking about you. But not like before na halos time to time. Ngayon parang paginom lang. Occasionally.

Growing up, there's a lot of realizations. Like what you thought is not really what it is. What you see can be just an illusion.  What you feel can just be pretentions. And sometimes things end up the way it is not because of determination but desperation.

I don't want to be like that. I want everything to end like how it was planned for me. Ayoko nang sapilitan. Kung akin, akin.

4 months ago, hinatid ako ni Felix sa sakayan gaya ng sinabi ko. I was really tired that day pero paguwi ko I can't help thinking about how we used to, which was nothing (that effin hurts), and how different things are right now.

And there I realized na I should start focusing on myself. He's there naman, hindi nga lang akin. I should focus on my career dahil like what older people say bata pa naman ako.

I slept that night thinking of how should I start anew. Its a good thing summer approached, I had my vacation and went to my mom para mahanginan. And may napala ako sa pagpapahangin ko dahil nung inantok ako, nakatulog akong iniisip kung pano mag move on tulad mo. Dahil ginusto kong mag move on tulad mo. Inantok - natulog - nagising. Syempre hindi pa nakamove on, pero willing like you. Pero di tulad mo na nakahanap ng bago. Kasi ako papalayain ko muna ang sarili ko sayo bago maghanap ng bago.

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"Einnah ang galing mo kanina. Congrats!"

"Hindi naman. Tsaka yun ang pinaniniwalaan ko kaya dapat ipaglaban" natatawang sabi ko sa kaibigan kong si Meg. Classmate ko siya sa law and nagkaroon kami ng debate kanina sa klase. Yes, may law nanaman ako.

Kaya hindi kita ipinaglaban, kasi mali naman ang aking pinaniniwalaan. Lol.

"O sige, mauna na ko. May class pa ko eh. Last mo na yun diba?"

"Yep. Dadaan lang ako ng mall. May bibilhin ako para sa Socio natin" natawa ako sa paglaki ng mata niya. For sure ay nakalimutan niya rin yun. At tama nga ako dahil nagpasabay na din siya sakin ng para sakanya.

I left the school and went to the mall. And kung medyo mamalasin madaming tao ngayon dahil last day na ng sale. Naisip ko muna na magcr dahil kanina pa ako naiihi. Ang taray ng cr ah, blockbuster!

Ako na yung next na gagamit ng cubicle so I was waiting kung sinong unang lalabas. Narinig ko nang may nagflash so I looked for my tissue dahil ubos nanaman ang stock sa cr. Sa susunod magddonate ako dahil kawawa ang mga tinatawag na ng trono. The door opened and it was the door next to the last cubicle. I was walking to it when I noticed the person who came out the door.

"Hey! It's been a long time" ngiti niya sakin.

"Hi! Oo nga. You're not always around when I get bumped into Felix. Wait lang ah" I said as I get inside the door.

"Sure. Are you with someone?"

"No, I'm alone. May dadaanan lang kasi ako sa bookstore and Watson's" I suddenly wonder where Felix is. Felix's usually with Lhyka when she's going to the mall. I flushed the toilet then went out of the cubicle.

"I see"

Naghugas ako ng kamay then looked at her. "You're not with Felix?" I dried my hands then put some powder on my face.

From looking at me she averted her gaze then placed back her makeup on her bag. She smiled then said "Hindi eh, he has things to do. I'm with my cousin"

"Ahh. Hindi kasi ako sanay, usually kasama mo siya." I looked one last time in the mirror then at her. "Una na ko ah"

"Sabay na tayo. Palabas na din naman ako." I returned her smile then headed to the door.

I saw two men waiting outside. The first one is busy with his phone and the other one is staring at his shoes as if he's bored. He looked up at me then at my back. He straightened his posture. Siguro ito yung cousin niya.

"Sige Lhyka una na ko. Kita nalang tayo sa school" she was looking at the guy then looked at me when I talked.

"Uh. Sure, see you around" she smiled and I noticed the guy looking at me. He's quite familiar pero baka may kamukha lang na kakilala ko. Tumango nalang ako then turned around para makaalis. I even heard the guy saying na ang tagal niyang nagantay kay Lhyka. His voice is even familiar.

After an hour ay nakauwi din ako. Medyo madami ang bitbit ko kaya nahirapan ako sa pagcommute. I lie down on the sofa and sighed. It's been a day for me. My phone rang and I lazily stood up para maabot ang bag ko. I checked the caller and immediately answered it when I saw that it was my Mom.

"Hey, Mom!" I cheerfully greeted.

"Hello there. How's my favorite daughter?" I giggled at what she said. I'm her only daughter!

"I'm perfectly fine. Medyo pagod lang sa school but nothing to worry about."

"Ang sipag naman ng anak ko. I'm sorry if I'm not there to help you ha? Namimiss ko na tuloy gawan ka ng baon"

"Mom! C'mon college na ko. You don't have to be there always. I have to be independent" natatawang sabi ko.

"I know. But you're still my baby. You wanna talk to George?" I smiled to that.

"Sa susunod nalang siguro, Mom. I'll just chat him. Wala pa po kasi akong dinner"

"Is my daughter hungry? Don't worry kapag nakauwi ako jan ipagluluto kita palagi" natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya.  We talked a bit more before I bid her goodbye.

I suddenly missed her. Lagi namang tumatawag si Mom pero iba kapag andyan siya sa tabi mo. Siguro kung hindi namatay si Dad, we would be together and Mom wouldn't marry another guy. Pero okay lang, I have a lil bro whose really hyper. Every weekend ay nakakachat ko si George and at his age ay napakagaling niya sa technology. Milennials. Or maybe not. Billenials?

I went to the kitchen para magluto ng pasta. I've been craving for spaghetti since yesterday. After cooking ay nagring ang phone ko. I went back to the sofa and picked up my phone.

"Felix?"