Can I ask you something? Do you ever feel like you have good phases? Where it feels easier to deal with stuff, then BAM you start going through a real down phase, where you feel so low, you don't want to do anything? The tiniest thing can have you bawling your eyes out? Or even just out of nowhere you start crying n have anxiety/panic attacks? Do you have times/phases when even though you know others love n care for you, you still feel they don't, that you still feel so alone? So you then end up just wanting to shut yourself away, or start being mean to others to push them away? Well I'm asking this cause, I'm hoping I'm not the only one feeling this. And it's honestly killin me to even admit this atm, all my life everyone has seen me as the strong one so in doin this, I feel so weak. I've found lately, I feel so lost. Panic attacks just happen out of nowhere n tbh, they terrify me, I've had in the past, if they get real bad, I tend to "black out" I'm still doin shit but I don't realise it, cause when I snap out of it, I'm holding a knife, covered in blood, n either my arms or legs are bleeding. I've been having awful dreams of things happening to me, and noone even caring, dreams of others just leaving me. I can feel myself now shutting myself away n pushing others away, cause I don't want to hurt the ones I love. I'm honestly terrified right now n I can't even explain to myself let alone anyone else just exactly how I feel right now
