How To Heal A Broken Heart

A Guilty Conscience

If he closes his eyes, he can see a young girl. A young girl smiling as she runs after her older brother. He is that older brother and she? She is Isabella, his littler sister. A little sister who looks up at her older brother. He is her knight in shining armor.

After the untimely death of their parents, he swears on his life to protect her. He would rather die than to let anything happen to her.

He smiles as he remembers how he comforted her through the raging thunderstorms, how he sang her the French lullabies their mother sang when she couldn't sleep. He is the brother she loves, a brother who is doing right by his sister.

The ache in his heart as he remembers all the promises intensifies and tears begin to form in his eyes. He breath hitches in his throat as he hears him promise his sister to never let anyone harm her, to never let anyone seperate them. He hears himself whisper to her, "I love you" and telling her he will always be there for her. But then he remembers only too painfully that he is the one to break them just as easily as he's made them.

A sob threatens to escape his mouth, but he will not break down. He will not let the tears fall down his cheeks. The time he's spent in his master's company has made him callous and having run a sword through the woman he loved has made him cold. Has made him detached from anymore guilt he could possibly feel. And, yet he still feels the guilt weighing on his heart, for his tears are his sign to a guilty conscience. He knows he has broken his promise to his mother, ultimately breaking his promise to his sister. He's shattered his promise to always be there for her, to protect her from harm. In his heart, he has failed his sister, his baby sister and now she hates him. Hates his very being.

The moment their eyes meet in that brief second they haven't seen each other for lord knows how many years, makes him freeze to the spot. He remembers his whole world stand suddenly still as he sees the woman standing in front him. Blocking him from killing his nemesis, Robin Hood. She isn't the young, timid girl he knew from childhood, nor, was she thirteen. Here she was a young, beautiful woman, twenty years of age. She may be a woman but she's still his little sister and instantly, he is no longer that dark brooding man working for a monster. Instead, he's that eighteen year old boy who'd promised to protect his sister. With that memory returning upon seeing his sister, he immediately wants to apologies for what he has put her through. He wants her forgiveness and wants to rebuild that bond they had when they were children. He wants to be the brother she loved, the brother who loved his sister.

But, although this memory is at the forefront of his mind, he hesitates and something stops him apologising to her. He's been blinded by his actions that he doesn't know what he sees when he looks into his sister's eyes. All he knows is, whatever he sees it has stopped him from apologising.

Hearing those words, "Did I fail you too?" Breaks his heart even more, but not wanting to look weak in front of her, he turns to face her and shouts, "Because you had a fair price, that's why!"

He regrets his words as soon as they fall from his mouth. Yet, his response, no matter how cold it sounds, is the only way not to feel the guilt ripping at his heart of stone.

Although to her, he may have sounded like he's meant what he's said, that she had been a failure to him, he knows whatever thoughts she may have of him are completely misinterpreted. He knows she can never be a failure to him. She is a Gisborne like him, and his sister, his baby sister and the bond they have as siblings can never be altered.

The moment he sees the hatred in her eyes deepen, he wants to embrace her as a brother should, wants to whisper his apologies in her ear. But, the hatred he sees in those blue eyes makes him retreat. He cannot bear the thought that here was a sister who hated him. Her hatred towards him, made him hate her just as much, for he knew that she would never be able to forgive him for what he'd done to her. All he wanted was his sister to love him, for him to love his sister.

Nevertheless, the years they've spent apart have made them bitter towards each other. Both have become resentful that any hope of a reconciliation between the them is impossible. Their anger and hatred comes to a head when she betrays him by siding with Vasey and he, betrays her when he sides with the outlaws.

He wants to forget all the heartbreaking memories, but cannot, for they weigh heavily on his conscience. Time is all he has left, now that he has only a few more hours to live. Funny really how in the end his sister is the one to kill him and he, ends up spending his last few moments with his arch enemy, Robin Hood.

With his dying breath he has one final wish, he wishes he could undo all his mistakes he's made. Wishes that his sister could have found it in her heart to forgive him. He knows that she believes he has stopped loving her, stopped the brother she knew from their childhood, but that's far from the truth. He has never stopped loving her, his baby sister, his dear Isabella. He wishes his love for his sister could be returned and he could have a sister who loved him.

And as he closes his eyes for the final time, he imagines a young girl with a flower crown in her hair smiling, laughing with her older brother. A brother she loves....one he wishes he could have been.