Lyrical Abstraction (Hamilton) [on hiatus]

Chapter 6

Eliza slammed the phone down.

"Who was it, sis?" Peggy asked, ever so curious about who'd called right after the group had ended their first one.

"Thomas." she answered simply, crossing her arms. It wasn't like Eliza to be angry at anyone like this, but currently Alexander Thomas were on her newly made hit list. She laughed a little to herself. "He wanted to apologize. It's kind of pitiful." she said, mumbling the last part.

John shifted a bit. He had had no time to make up his mind about Thomas, and now the man wanted to apologize. It made John feel weird and uncomfortable. Weird and uncomfortable, because as much as he wanted to hate both of them, he couldn't. He still loved Alexander so much it hurt, and he couldn't bring himself to be mad at Thomas. Not a lot at least.

"You okay there John?" Angelica asked from behind him. He just gave a shallow nod in response. His throat felt dry all of a sudden.

"I think I'm gonna paint."

-

"Can we talk now?"

The two of them were cuddling on the couch, Alex's head on Thomas' chest. It looked domestic and comfortable, sweet even, but Thomas wasn't feeling it like that. He wanted to talk this issue out and Alexander had been ignoring it ever since they were caught earlier that morning like it never happened. Alexander looked up from his spot on Thomas.

"But we're so comfortable right now baby, can't it wait?"

"We've ignored it for so long though. I just really want this out of my system." Thomas said, glancing off to the side for a moment before looking Alexander in the eyes.

"Whatever makes you happy." Alex sighed. "Let's talk."

"John-"

"About everything but him."

"Alexander. If you want me to be happy, you're gonna have to talk to me about this."

Alexander looked like he was genuinely offended by Thomas' words.

"You're so selfish Thomas! If it makes me uncomfortable, you shouldn't be forcing me to talk about it!" he exclaimed, much to Thomas' surprise. Alexander lashed out a quite a few times, but not like this.

"I'm sorry that I want to fix things!" Thomas then yelled, pushing Alex off of himself a little less than gently. Alexander stumbled back, and soon they were yelling from opposite sides of the couch.

"You ruined everything!" Alexander said.

"That's why I want to talk so I can fix my mistakes!" Thomas shot back. They continued like that until they were both crying. It was a mess of tears and emotions but they eventually ended up back in each other's arms, hugging and crying, Thomas apologizing. As much as he wanted to be angry at Alexander for all this, he couldn't find himself able to.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled to Alexander as they slowly laid back down. Alexander was right about him, Thomas thought, he was selfish.

"It's okay." Alex replied softly, shifting to lay in between Thomas and the couch. Thomas shifted to lay facing him. They stayed like that for a while, just breathing and getting lost in each other's eyes. It was a moment of quiet in a hurricane of emotions. Soon enough Alexander had closed his eyes and leaned in, and Thomas had let him do it, and they'd kiss even though Thomas couldn't help but think how wrong it was. They hadn't talked. Would they ever talk?

Thomas didn't know. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know. All he wanted was to talk.

Alexander wanted to go further. He was already snaking his hand lower from Thomas' back, before Thomas slapped it away.

"Alex, no. No nothing before we talk."

"I have to be rewarded sex now?"

Thomas sighed and shook his head.

"You got caught cheating today."

"And?"

"Do you not care about how John feels?"

"Of course I do! He just doesn't want to speak to me and I respect that." Alexander's eyes narrowed. "Maybe you should too."

-

John and Eliza were bonding nicely ever since John's arrival at the Schuyler Mansion. They'd set John's easel up in the living room and Eliza had grabbed her old one from when she'd used to paint and done the same and then the two of them were painting together. Eliza was quite good but didn't have the same experience as John had. She'd seen his painting and boy, could the man paint. She'd noticed a thing though.

She and John had known each other since before Alex and John had even met, and John would always paint in black and white. She remembered his old paintings clear as day. They were dark and depressing and even though they were pretty, Eliza wasn't fond of them as they'd make her feel bad. They were so lifeless.

But then he met Alex.

His paintings started getting life as well as he did. They began being in colour and Eliza had never been happier for John than when she noticed they weren't dark and grey anymore. She'd asked him what girl made him so happy and he'd confided in her that he was gay. It was a moment of bonding and Eliza was introduced to Alex and they'd been best friends instantly.

Eliza glanced from her own painting of some flowers she'd done from memory, to John's painting.

Black and white.

She felt her stomach sink at the sight. John was oblivious to both her staring and her concern as he teared up and let the tears fall silently. Eliza understood and kept quiet. She knew John was filled to the brim with emotion and this incident had tipped him over. In one motion he had angrily thrusted the paintbrush through the canvas as he sobbed loudly and turned away from what he'd done. He was shaking and Eliza immediately went over and hugged him. She held his hand in hers and squeezed it softly as a way of comfort while her other hand was resting on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, and John calmed down he slowly glanced back over to his now destroyed painting.

He was so filled with both anger and sadness and he knew he'd have to let it out in other not as violent ways. He hated Alex and how much he still wanted him.

"I'm fine, Eliza." John eventually mumbled, a sad smile on his face. He felt pathetic having to be comforted all the time like this. He gently nudged Eliza and she caught the drill, letting go of him hesitantly.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Or I'll be eventually at least."

They both stood in silence for a moment.

"John, if you don't mind me sticking my nose in things-" Eliza paused, "I'd like to know what happened... That made you aggressively stab a painting. It's not like you." she said softly.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Completely fine and understandable."

"Thanks."

"No problem, John."

Eliza was about to sit down again when John spoke up.

"Painting reminds me of him."

"Oh?"

"In my head, painting has always been before Alex and after Alex. Never the start to currently, or anything of that sort. It's always just been him. It's always been us. And I want it to be us again but..." he trailed off. He knew very well he shouldn't but he wanted Alexander back so bad. It was ridiculous. He just wanted to go home to a warm bed with his husband and no Thomas and having everything be good again. When he woke up tomorrow, he wouldn't wake up in a guest room at the Schuyler's, he'd wake up at home and it would all just have been nerves giving him nightmares.

He didn't go to sleep before very late that night, unable to keep his mind off things.