Lyrical Abstraction (Hamilton) [on hiatus]

Chapter 7

Yesterday was a mess. Thomas knew that. He'd have to show up at Eliza's house to apologize personally. He also knew that. What he didn't know though, was that it would be difficult to apologize to John, not because he didn't want to, but because John wasn't there at all.

"Sorry, he's not here." Angelica said and was about to slam the door, when Thomas jammed his foot between it and the doorframe. He yelped as his foot was hit hard and cursed under his breath, as Angelica sighed, rolled her eyes, and opened the door again. "What do you want?"

"I need to speak to John."

"Did alexander send you as some petty excuse for you to feel better about all this?"

"He's still asleep. I didn't even leave a note."

Angelica hesitated.

"How do I know you're not just gonna rub in his face how Alex is yours now?"

Thomas rubbed his arm and looked away.

"You don't. But we're friends Ange, and friends trust each other despite everything- I fucked up badly and I know that, but I promise you I didn't mean to get in the way of a relationship. Alex never told me he was married before a month ago and I pegged him to break it off with one of us so when he continued to be with me, I thought it was over between him and John."

Angelica's eyes widened as she took it all in.

"He never told you he was..." her words turned from softly shocked to angry. "I will literally kill him. I can't believe he's been cheating on both of you. And you-" she pointed a finger at Thomas. "John is at Herc and Laf's- I don't know if they're working today or not but you'll just have to find out. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions I should have known you wouldn't pull anything like this."

Thomas nodded and was about to leave when Angelica grabbed his arm.

"Herc and Laf might be angry with you. We kinda told them about the whole ordeal."

"It's fine, I'll try talking to them anyways." Thomas reassured her, before she let go of his hand and closed the door. Looks like Thomas was going to the bar.

-

Alexander once again woke up to an empty bed. He really hoped it wouldn't become a habit for Thomas to leave the bed without him as Alex would get cold easily and since John wasn't in the house at the moment, Thomas was all he had. While not the best, Thomas was good and Alexander missed seeing his face in the morning when he'd wake. He missed that with John too. He wanted John back, wanted to kiss his face, wanted John to forgive him for Thomas' mistakes. Wanted them back together.

But he wanted them both.

He wanted all the John that Thomas couldn't give and he wanted all the Thomas that John couldn't give. They were amazing each but together they were perfect, and he wanted that, he wanted that perfect mix of the two of them. The perfect taste of both of them on his lips, so sweet and intoxicating, the perfect mix of rough and tender. He moaned despite himself, and cursed under his breath. Thomas would have to help him take care of this.

Alexander awkwardly shuffled out of bed, waddling into the livingroom to get Thomas. Only, Thomas wasn't there. Alexander looked around the empty room for a moment, confused as to why no one was in it besides him. Alexander could feel tears brim in his eyes and he frantically searched the kitchen for some kind of note and felt the first few tears escape when he found none. Had Thomas really left him this time?

He took a few heavy breaths, trying to keep himself from hyperventilating as he tried to think of reasons Thomas wasn't there with him. Thomas loved him, and he loved Thomas, so why wasn't he there? And more importantly, where was he then? Alex's hands flew to his head as he grabbed at his hair. He didn't want to be abandoned again, he couldn't take that. So many people had left him and the last people he want to disappear out of his life was John and Thomas. John had already left, and now Thomas was leaving him too. He swallowed harshly, trying his best to breathe properly and was failing.

Eliza blamed him for this, and if Eliza blamed him, the rest of the Schuylers did too. If the Schuylers knew, chances are they'd already told Herc and Laf about it, which means they'd blame him as well. And Aaron? Well, he probably didn't know since he rarely was there, but he was at the wedding and he wouldn't want to find out moments after Alex had come to him.

He was alone.

He could barely breathe through tears and gasps of air as he sank down on the kitchen floor, hyperventilating. Black spots flew across his vision and he could feel himself slowly lose it.
"Alexander?"

Alex could barely hear Thomas' voice over his own gasping, but suddenly there were hands on him, cradling him, shushing him. He calmed down enough to see through the blur of tears and saw just who he wanted to. He sobbed and threw his hands around Thomas, crying into his shoulder.

"I thought you left me..." Alexander said through tears still streaming heavy down his face. He wiped his eyes but they would always fill up with new tears to replace them. Thomas shushed him again and kissed his forehead.

"I'd never leave you. No matter what." he reassured. Alex just nodded.

They sat there for a while, rocking back and forth until Alexander eventually stopped crying.

"I'm so sorry..." Alexander whispered. Thomas looked at him confused.

"Why are you apologizing baby?" Thomas asked, "You've done nothing wrong."

"But I have!" Alex cried, "I've been so mean to you these past two days and I'm so sorry. This whole ordeal has just been stressing me out so much and I want to apologize. I want to do better and make it up to you. I want us to be happy." he said apologetic. Thomas took a shaky breath.

"You already make me so, so happy Alex. You don't have to apologize." he said and they shared a soft kiss, Alexander still crying. After a while of just sitting on the kitchen floor, kissing each other occasionally, Alexander shifted uncomfortably.

"Where were you?" he asked as Thomas stilled the hand that was rubbing Alexander's back soothingly.

"I was at the Schuyler's. Looking for John," Thomas said, and Alex nodded, laying his head on Thomas' chest.

"Leave a note next time."

"I will."