Lyrical Abstraction (Hamilton) [on hiatus]

Chapter 3

"Come over."

Alexander's words were out of his mouth before he even knew of it. he was just inviting Thomas over to talk though, right?. Talking about something like this felt too impersonal on the phone and that wasn't what he was aiming for.

"Alexander, I literally just got home." Thomas said with a sigh from the other end. "Besides, I don't think that's the best thing to do. Not now."

"John is at Eliza's place for a while it's okay baby. Please? For me?"

He was met with a moment of silence.

"Alex, I don't think it's a good idea."

Alexander huffed, "I thought you liked seeing me? Especially when I'm a squirming mess underneath you, when I-"

"Alexander, stop."

"I thought you cared about me..."

More silence. Alex smirked to himself when he could hear Thomas reacting to his words. He knew guilt tripping wasn't good, but honestly, what could it hurt to do it a little? And since this mess was Thomas' fault anyways, why should Alex feel guilty for it? No, what he was doing was the right thing, and if he had to pull some strings for it, he'd do so.

"I'll be there soon..." Thomas said, and the line cut off. Alex smiled, satisfied with himself. Thomas would be there to "talk" and they'd fix this. His smile fell. He still had to fix it with John. Whatever, he thought, when John was over being pissy, they could talk. It was that easy.

So Alex waited patiently for Thomas to arrive. Not a second before the latter was through the door, was Alexander on him.

"Let's talk."

-

They did talk, but not the way Thomas had hoped they would. They praised, but there was no talking about them,  or about Alexander and John, and Thomas felt even more guilty than he did before.

"I don't want this." he said. Alex's full attention stirred towards Thomas and his eyes widened in shock.

"Y-you don't want what?" Alexander said, eyes already brimming with tears. Whether they were completely real, Thomas would never know as he was busy running a hand through his hair.

"I just- I don't want this, this thing with us when I know you haven't even talked to John about anything yet. I don't like feeling like this is all my fault."

"It is your fault."

"I know."

They sat in silence until Thomas got up from the bed, grabbed his things and was about to leave. Alex grabbed hold of his arm.

"Stay?"

"Alexander, it doesn't feel right. I need to go at least until you've talked to John."

"He doesn't wanna talk to me."

"And who's fault is that?"

"I'm pretty sure we established it was yours."

Tears were filling Thomas' eyes as soon as the words were out of Alexander's mouth. He knew it was his fault and he really wished it wasn't.

"I just feel so damn guilty." his voice came out broken and Alex pulled him back down on the bed to stroke his hair. Thomas sat and cried for a while, his face in his hands, Alex hugging him from behind. Whispering reassuring words in Thomas' ear, Alex's hand went lower. Thomas sighed shakily, wiping his tears away.

"Not now, Alex."

"For me?" Alexander whispered. Thomas shook his head.

"I don't want to right now."

Alex sighed and removed his hands.

"Whatever."

"Alex-"

"No, it's fine, if you don't want to you don't have to." Alex huffed. Thomas looked down. He didn't want to upset Alex, but he didn't want this either. At last, he rested his case.

"I don't. Not now, it's not right."

"It's okay."

"I love you."

There was no response though. Alex said nothing just went back to hugging Thomas from behind. The latter sighed again, hurt more than anything, but stayed silent. He knew that was for the better anyways. They sat there for a while, just breathing together, switching positions now and then to get more comfortable. In the end, they were just hugging each other, still sitting on the bed, foreheads touching.

For Thomas, it was a moment of calm bliss. He was grateful for times like this, times where Alex was soft for him, times where they could sit like this and just exist for a while. It was nice. He could forget his guilt, and he could forget his problems, if only for a few minutes. His problems.

"You need to talk to John. Please." he said, his tone pleading. He didn't want to get in the way but he also didn't want leave. He was conflicted and confused and he wanted to solve this.

"I know. He doesn't want to talk to me though." Alex said, loosening his grip to look Thomas in the eyes. "What if John doesn't want me back?"

Thomas' expression dropped.

"I... I thought we agreed you'd break it off with him..." he said, looking away. Alexander's eyes widened.

"We did! We did, we did, don't worry I-I will, I just- I-I meant want me back as in still wants to be friends after this mess. Yeah." he tried to excuse, and luckily for his own sake, Thomas seemed convinced.

"You and I still need to talk." he said but Alex shook his head.

"I'm tired. We can talk later. Let's just sleep. Please?"

And who was Thomas to deny the love of his life? So he kissed Alex's forehead and laid down next to him and they both fell asleep holding each other.