The Stewardess Diaries

Chapter Five: The Boarding Process

There are several stages in a flight. The most stressful one for me is the boarding process, specially if I'm working First Class. It takes twenty minutes to board a Boeing 737-900 plane. This is the most common aircraft domestically. Airlines normally announce instructions over the PA as follows:

"Welcome to Flight 666 with non stop service to HELL. As you find your seats, please stow ONLY your LARGE carry on items in the overhead compartments. Your personal items MUST be stowed UNDER the seat in front of you."

Noticed how I emphasized some points? You see, the over head compartments are pretty spacious. It can accommodate a small sized roller-board wheel or handles first. Yet, I see passengers stow their backpacks and purses in the over head. These are classified as PERSONAL ITEMS, and therefore must be placed under the seat in front of you. We need space to accommodate as many roller-boards as possible. That way we avoid wasting time checking bags.

But nooooo. Passenger Linda, who's a premium member or whatever, decides to stow her Tumi bag in the over head compartment. I hate it when these entitled passengers refuse to follow crew-member instructions. Bitch, if I tell you to stow your fucking small Tumi bag under the seat in front of you, you better fucking do it. It's not a question. Sit the fuck down 12C. And Mr. Goldstein, 8C, your laptop case does NOT go in the overhead compartment. You say your back hurts? I didn't see you struggling moving the other bags to accommodate your small laptop case. They scoffed and complied. But a few minutes later, they put their small bags in the overhead compartment. Fuckers, I saw you. These customers think they're so entitled. Morons, bitches, babies, princesses...

Pre-departures

Another stressful aspect about the boarding process is serving pre-departure drinks to first class customers. It's always a hassle serving drinks while people are boarding. ''Excuse me please. Coming through. Pardon me. Do you mind if I squeeze in front of you? Thanks for waiting.''  And not to mention, the frustration of catering stocking us late, like my last flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco. They stocked Aft Galley provisions in the Front Galley carts. It was a mess. I couldn't serve drinks during boarding.