The Stewardess Diaries

Chapter Seven: Lessons for Economy

Some do's and don't s

1. Please abide the carry on baggage policies. If I say DO NOT stow your coats and jackets on the overhead bins, you do as I say. Otherwise, I will be very willing to remove your ugly fur coat from the overhead and toss it to you to make space for the large bags, because that's what the overhead bins are for. Once we're done with the boarding process and there's still some space up there, sure, go ahead and stow your your cheap ass coat.

Also, don't stow backpacks, purses, shopping bags, or laptop bags in the overheads. We want to please as many people as we can so they can accommodate their large bags and roller boards. I hate seeing people disregard these rules, specially after I JUST said it on the PA.

2. Please, DO NOT walk barefoot though the cabin. You have no idea the things that might've been spilled on the floor. Have some personal hygiene. It sickens me when I see a passenger walk into a lavatory without their shoes on. Have some dignity.

3. Please, DO NOT hand me your baby's dirty diaper. I love babies. I can even hold your baby so you can stow your bags. But do not hand me ANY sort of bodily fluids to me. Ask for a bag, and I'll be very happy to give you one so you can leave it under your seat until we land.

4. Please, DO NOT poke flight attendants. There's a call bell for that. Respect our space. Have some class.

5. Have some manners. Use simple courtesy words like: "Please, thank you, excuse me". Politeness might even get you a second bag of pretzels.

6. Ladies and gentlemen, we're sorry to announce that yoga classes have been permanently cancelled on all flights. I hate when people decide to use the galleys as a place to stretch and do yoga. I do understand that sitting down on a long flight can be exhausting, but watching you stand on my tiny galley, the only place I can hide from everyone, is just nerve racking.

This list will be update as time flies. There's always something new.