Insecure

He'll Come Soon

I'm the clingy pathetic girl that guys know will play putty in their hands at the drop of a hat. I'm the girl who had no friends that would hang out with her because she needed too much love. The type who had a rough home life where no one really had the time to care about her feelings. After years of constantly being told that "You're not good enough" I'm the girl who tried to find love outside of my house. The world wasn't as kind as I hoped it to be.

I can't be that girl anymore who jumps over hurdles for the people that don't even care about her. I can't let fear of losing people make me suffocate them with the love that I'm dying to have. I've had to choose being alone because I can't force anyone to love me every moment of the day. I'm so tired of trying to be the girl that everyone loves.

I have to be the kind of girl who stands on her own two feet, the girl who walks with confidence and her head held up high. I have to be the kind of girl who does everything on her own without anyone's help.

I was left alone in the dark, with only the pieces of my former self, left to fade into nothingness. I've come out of the darkness now.

The daughter that you wanted to kill with drugs and pretend never existed. I gave birth to her. The voice you told me that wasn't good enough sings sweet lullabies to her at night to lull her to sleep. The happiness that you told me I couldn't have without you is right in front of me in my arms. This was the love that I was missing out on all along.

I have to be the one who gives her enough love so she doesn't miss out on it. I have to pray she doesn't feel unloved and turn into me. I'm not going to let myself wait on you thinking "oh he'll come soon". I know that it doesn't matter anymore. I've got the confidence and strength to carry on without you. Instead of thinking "he'll come soon" I think "he can stay behind because I dont need the chains of his love anymore".